Slipping Away

I feel like my life is just slipping away, and it is not just the schiz, its the pain I suffer with all day, especially in the morning. I move like a little old lady now and I am only going to be 44 In February, sometimes it hurts so bad I am forced to use a wheel chair to an appointment, and around the building I need to use my cane.When I go to do some shopping I use the shopping cart as a walker, that is how pathetic I have become. this is not the life I want for myself.i hate where I live, I want to be independent again, but I cannot be trusted I suppose. I want to be normal.
I don’t want this damned illness, I want my life back, I used to work, I had friends, now I have nothing.why god, why are you doing this to me?ios this a test to see how much I can take? to see if I am going to listen to these voices one day,? people stare at the slashes at my arms, I cam]n feel them looking at me.
my new years resolution is to pray to gd let me go to heaven, please dear god, just let me go to heaven and feel no more oain and let me hear silence in my head.

Someone told me once that prison is inside a person. I couldn’t connect the dots, though. I had been talking about the old movie Birdman of Alcatraz. Some people become free.

can I give you a hug that post broke my heart please don’t call yourself pathetic for having a disability :frowning:
schizophrenia has taken a lot away from me too I use to be sharper and smarter and thinner its a horrible disease. people stare at supermarkets I hate it
why do they al stare so much sod them I get my shopping delivered now. it cost 1 pound LOL
I hope you feel more like living soon sometimes we are tired and over stressed and it can be better tomorrow.

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Life is of no fun during difficult moments, but life can also be joyous (like what you have had before).

Let’s prove the voices (in the head) wrong.


My life was over about 2O times today for various reasons. But I had a good dinner and socialized with my family. I got to talk and go out and make stupid jokes and get my picture taken. I felt hopeless a few times. But I realized a in a restaurant that other people are not all perfect. Most of them are acting confident and happy. I could see that some were phonies, did NOT have confidence and basically were using each other. I obviously am not above my own human foibles but I realized out in public that I am looking for myself from other people when I am actually just like them and have all the answers I need They don’t know everything. They are not all in control. I digressed.My main point is that things change. We all have our ups and downs. I’m not saying mine and yours life is easy. But just rest assured that all of us are struggling even though it looks like we aren’t. We are just like you. But at this point we have certain advantages that you don’t have. But most of us have been where you’ve been and we will probably be there in the future sometime.But you are going through bad times now. Look at us and know your time will come and you may shine. You may never be a ecstatically happy or live a happy,easy, trouble free life but it seems to be true that, “Every dog has it’s day” and you may get something out of life. Good luck. And hey, you sound like you have it harder than me but I do stuff despite feeling everybody is against me, or that people are using me or feeling like I don’t deserve respect. Despite those things I have a pretty good life a lot of the time. I hope you find a little relief from your bad luck.

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