Six months ago today

Health and Recovery
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Six months ago, on June 14, I started coming off abilify, slowly but surely. I also started thinking more positively, forcing myself to do a little bit more every day.

Fast forward - today my life has changed beyond recognition. I still take abilify 5mg, but otherwise I feel very much recovered. Negatives have disappeared maybe 75%. I sleep 8 hours a night (instead of 13-14) and wake up refreshed. I have energy for physical activities, motivation and focus for mental activities. I still have things I don’t like doing, such as cooking or following a strict schedule or arguing or explaining myself - but those were traits I had before the illness too.

How can I explain this miraculous transformation? I am of course tempted to assume 10mg abilify was too high a dose, and that CBT helps too. But it still wouldn’t explain the magnitude of my improvement. Is there a factor x?

It’s true that I sometimes used to pray God at bedtime, especially when I was younger. But in recent years I’ve been agnostic. Would a merciful God choose to help me, a clueless Johnny with little faith? And if so, then why?

I have decided that, whatever the reason for these happy times I am faring right now, it is my duty to “pay it forward”. I will try to be nicer to everyone, to exercise kindness, forgiveness and generosity.

If it happened to me, I see no reason it can’t happen to all of you as well. Stay sharp and don’t lose hope!!

Much love :love_you_gesture:
Andrey

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I hope that good things will happen to me, too. I’m treatment resistant and tired of being disappointed from the medications not working.

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From what you wrote here, Stella, I suspect you also struggle with some psychological aspects. Purging for example is not a feature of schizophrenia.

Please don’t resign to the life you have right now. If your doctors are incompetent, try replacing them. Same with meds.

Which aspect of your illness is treatment resistant?

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The psychosis doesn’t go away for long.
There are people in the sky that watch my every move.
All the drivers around me have guns pointed at me, ready t kill me.
There are thoughts being inserted into my head.
Even though I take Clozaril, I still feel these things.

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Good for you. I too am recovering and am over 50% recovered from a year ago. Now much more outgoing, energetic, motivated, and enjoy life. I still take meds and have side effects and inability to concentrate and poor memory and probably other negative and cognitive symptoms. I feel as you do. Getting better is quite a miraculous and uplifting experience. Maybe you will be more successful in work and relationships. I am having better luck. Do you have any goals?

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How long have you been on 5mg? 5mg abilify beats placebo for about 5 weeks then it’s no better than placebo.

I suggest you read this

Aripiprazole 5 mg/day did not produce significantly greater improvement in PANSS Total compared with placebo at endpoint, although significant differences were seen at weeks 3-5.

Edit : If you’re in weeks 3-5 of taking abilify 5mg then maybe that explains “factor x”

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I’m really sorry to hear that. I wish I could help, but in my case psychotic symptoms were completely subdued by amisulpride 800mg, and they didn’t resurge after switching to risperdal and later to abilify. I did have early signs of relapse about a month ago, after going med-free for about 4 months, so I resumed taking abilify 5mg daily and so far I’ve been 100% stable.

I think reason is a powerful tool against falling prey to paranoia. I’m not saying that “people in the sky” don’t exist (maybe they do… who knows? spirits of dead ancestors, spirits yet to be born… etc) and if you live in the US, some drivers probably do have guns.
BUT why would they target you? Please apply logic to dismiss these paranoid thoughts. What’s so special about you that would attract hostility from regular drivers? Have you done anything deeply wrong in your past? Have you killed, tortured, abused, cheated? I seriously doubt it.

@everhopeful, I know that medical theory urges us to not go below minimum therapeutic dose, but I have my pdoc’s approval. I’ve lived no better than a vegetable for 3 years, and since going below 10mg all pieces are falling into place for me. Maybe I’m one of those 25% who go on to recover. Only time will tell…

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Yes, I have some immediate goals, such as adding some finishing touches on a certain android game I’m working on and releasing it on the google app store by the end of the year.
Medium term, I want to quit smoking before next summer, or at least limit my daily quota to 5 cigarettes. I also want to start applying for jobs early next year.
Long term, well… I’d love to find the cool girlfriend that has eluded me all my life so far, and also be able to make my parents happy and proud, because I’m an only child and they’ve been through hell since I came down with schizophrenia :disappointed:

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Yes I really understand some parts of how you feel. I am an only child too and my parents are starting to come out of their depression/anger now that I’m getting better. They are so happy with my new boyfriend it’s like they came back to life! I am glad you are going back to work! Hope your Don’t wait too long to start looking for a girlfriend. You know how debilitating sz is, so don’t forget to give back. I take meds that don’t worsen my negative symptoms so maybe you can try meds again and still function well. Very happy for you. Wish we can all recover.

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I can’t tell you how happy I am for you. I hope you continue to be blessed in this way.

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I too felt immense energy on abilify…unfortunately I was only about 75 % sane…and I ruined my life financially along with my delusional schizophrenic wife on abilify and it caused a half a million dollar bancruptcy involiving losing two homes…long story…anyways…be careful…sometimes all that energy seems normal but you might be a bit unstable…or manic I don’t know. Just stay in touch with your pdoc and keep up the good work !

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A week and a half ago I would have told you I didn’t need meds, that they were putting poison in them and the food supply to kill me…
Well, one commitment later plus Abilify 30mg and Seroquel 600mg, I am SO grateful that I’m able to eat, sleep, and live back in my apartment. I’m also happy that I don’t think a decomposing dead rat is talking to me!
I STILL have a lot of symptoms and I know that I’m taking a pretty heavy load of APs, but one week in the hospital and these meds have given me back my freedom and my hope. Sometimes the little things ARE the big things.

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@Jukebox - Well I don’t feel manic. I don’t have “immense energy”, but a constant stream of energy throughout the day, that wanes somewhat a couple hours before bedtime, as expected.
My 8 hour sleep is good and rejuvenating. My concentration is good. My nervous tics (such as restless leg or pacing while smoking) have decreased significantly.

@Leaf - thanks for your kind words. You’re a good egg :wink:

@WhiteRaven - Yes, finding joy in simple things is the zen of happiness :slight_smile: Stay strong !

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Happy and glad for ur immense improvement…take care by taking care…u are a good egg…!!!

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It’s wonderful and well deserved that this is happening to you Andrey, I was hoping that you would find better times the first time you told me you suffer from the deficit syndrome. I’m on abilify as well and currently decreasing my dose, and yes from what I’ve seen online the D2 occupancy is very high until you get below around 6mg, then the antipsychotic activityy drops off and the drug starts to act more as an antidepressant or whatever else you will have.

In truth antipsychotics based off of Thorazine, the original typical, are all simply alternatives to lobotomy, they are a chemical lobotomy in that they deactivate the prefrontal cortex functions which make us human by allowing higher order thought. This is the harsh reality.

I want to chance that your negative symptoms might have emerged as a result of treatment, possibly titrating down to a lower dose tweaked your neurotransmission in just the right way for you to feel a return in your executive functioning. Executive functioning is related to both negative and cognitive symptoms, if your executive functions are not good your quality of life suffers.

Antipsychotics also tend to dampen the emotional responses which might lead to psychosis, unfortunately these are the same emotional responses and processes which support our motivation, focus, spontaneity and so much more. So antipsychotics can, over time make negative symptoms worse.

I’m also on abilify and reducing my dose gradually with the support of my pdoc. I’m down to about 10mg and still titrating down, I might actually make the next transition to 7.5 without my doctor knowing, after all its just a small transition, so I don’t think I need to tell him. He would probably try to intimidate me into remaining on a recommended dose for sz or whatever, but in reality I control my meds and will take them as I see fit.

I’m not saying you have inspired me to do this, dozens of other people telling the story of antipsychotic dose reduction on forums and all over the internet have. It can mean the difference between having your normal human vitality stolen from you and not being able to get off the couch and actually being involved and participating in life.

Again, I think the factor x for you has been the negative influence of this specific medication on your vitality and emotion. I’m not saying all antipsychotics are bad, but looking at things historically we must acknowledge that they were developed at a time when psychiatrist believed in insulin shock therapy, ice baths, electric shock therapy and lobotomies.

Our drugs are meant to shut off the brain enough for someone to recover from a psychotic state. By saying that, I’m implying that we should carefully choose the dose and duration in order to avoid negative side effects which can literally take the color out of life for many people with our illness (and even those without).

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Videos like this on youtube helped me understand antipsychotic dose reduction better and realize that it can be dangerous and must be approached carefully.

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I wish you luck @Anon10 with tapering down abilify from 10mg to 7.5mg. But maybe you should tell your pdoc or at least inform your close relatives or friends, so that they can keep an eye on you, should you show early signs of relapse.

Yes, maybe abilify was at the root of my negatives, although something still feels off. Even during psychosis I had noticed some blunted affect and emotions. I remember saying out loud one time “Mother f*ckers, you stole my emotions from me!” :smile:

Really it will take a long while for scientists to figure out the human brain and mind…

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May be it could take 10 to 15 years to reveal the mystries of brain…!! I am already 31 years older…!!!

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I think that’s an amazing idea. I feel I want to do this too.

I am so happy for you that you are doing so well. It is inspiring to me. I’m pretty stable mostly now too and I’d like to follow in your footsteps of what I quoted here. Thanks for sharing.

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@stellaglow I have been treatment resistant in the past. It took a while but I am doing really well after finding different meds that help. Sometimes you have to be on a med for months before it works really well I have found. Hang in there. I bet you will find a combination that helps if you do. I do relate to how frustrating it can be though.