Do you mean when first prescribed APs in 1975 ? I was 18 and studying for the exams you need to get into university. I never took the exams because I had my first psych admission.
I guess intellectually I was of above average functioning although had probable learning difficulties and had seen a decline in my academic performance. Socially I was low functioning in that I had difficulty interacting with others and had no friends.
@firemonkey work with your pdoc and get your meds lowered maybe but donât stop meds all togetherâŚyou are the most stable dude on here.
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I mean how were you at the onset of your illness before you were put on medication? What lead to you seeking out meds in the first place?
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I was originally put on ADs(anafranil) because I was showing signs of depression. I was at boarding school and was skipping meals, waking up early but getting up late and missing things like school chapel,failing in my studies, sleeping through free study periods, basically barely coping. I was also very anxious and fairly paranoid.
I took an overdose at school in my second to last term. Then went back the next term for what should have been my A levels. After a week though I went to the school sanatorium and said I couldnât cope. After a week there I was sent to the local psych hospital. After being assessed I was put on APs
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Then frankly you should prepare yourself for that scenario to repeat if you choose to go off medication. And you have been on APs for so long that going off you are bound to have some sort of rebound in psychosis, though going off very slowly may help with that.
I very much understand not wanting to be on medication but I think going a long time without symptoms can make one forget how bad it used to be, or become deluded that it wonât be as bad anymore or wonât happen again for some reason. Itâs just something to consider.
I am on the lowest therapeutic dose as it is. As others who know me from before 2009 will testify I wasnât always as stable as I am now,especially emotionally. I had my moments to be sure.
I used to act out online on account of the paranoia. Now I still get paranoid but Iâm less likely to be emotionally reactive on account of it.
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I think this is very true. Thereâs a temptation to think when stabilised on meds that you have always been that way and to forget that itâs meds that have got you to that place and to think âWhy the heck am I taking meds?â
Last time I saw my pdoc when my NP was on sick leave he said I was doing better. I could see it in some ways but not others. However I think with a severe mental illness youâve got to try and accept that others may have a better idea of how you are doing than you do. This why itâs good to have a friend or family member who you can rely on to notice when your train is coming off the tracks, and not to rely solely on your own judgement.
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