Say something funny, maybe we could all use a laugh 
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" I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now."
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how do you get an elephant into a Safeway shopping cart?
you take the “S” out of “Safe” and the “F” out of “Way”
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What do zombies eat to freshen their breath?
Men-toes!!
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Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl peeing?
The P is silent!
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An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department and says, “I’ll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars.”
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, “I should have taken the money!”
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A man looked in the mirror and noticed a brown line across his forehead. In a panic, he went to see the doctor, very worried about this new symptom. The doctor took one look at the man and said “Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious. You’re full of shlt but you’re a quart low.”
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One time there was this man who couldn’t hear to well. He was walking down the street and another man passed by and his dog farted. The man yelled “yeah my grandma was a preacher, too!”
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A man walks into a bar.
What’s the first thing he says?
“Ouch!”
I know, ancient joke, but It’s all I could think of.
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Here’s a joke…
“SCHIZOPHRENIA!!”
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US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Caller Number Delivery (CND) reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE U.S. NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
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