I have lost my self-confidence because of SZ.
I can’t even trust my own mind! Brain tissue damage/loss also causes lack of self-confidence like in SZ.
I see my brothers overconfident, they yell at strangers, friends, girlfriends, my parents and even at me. I used to do it especially at my gf but now after SZ I am weak. My brothers beat up anyone talking bad or approaching their gf or me.
I try to be confident but my mind voice forces me to do the opposite. For example I try to work but my voices tell me you’re too stupid and worthless to work. I try to talk to girls but my voices tell me she’s worth more than you.
Self-confidence is all pretend. Most people think I am very confident. I am actually a trembling ball of insecurities all the time, but I am a very good actor so nobody knows.
Beating people up and yelling is not self-confidence. It is the opposite. It is being so pathetically insecure that they feel the need to pick on those weaker than them to make themselves feel better. Anyone who yells or beats people up just looks like a scared little kid to me, albeit a potentially dangerous one. I am not impressed with yelling or use of force.
If you want to appear self-confident, you can start by not acknowledging insults from them. When someone insults me, I just give a raised eyebrow and roll my eyes, then turn away from them. I refuse to engage. I 100% pretend their opinion means nothing to me and their insult did not hit me at all.
No. I would be mad at Mr. Star if he had sex with someone else, but not at some other guy who didn’t make a commitment to me. People flirt with him all the time though, and he mostly just doesn’t notice. I find it very cute. I really don’t worry about the possibility of him cheating on me though, because I trust him and feel comfortable enough in our relationship that I don’t have to be a controlling dickwad who tells him what to do. He knows and respects my boundaries, and I know and respect his.
Honestly, I have been with a guy who yelled about me flirting with other people. I dumped him after a couple months because he was so annoying and pathetic.
My brother got in a fight with his friend because he inboxed and kissed his gf. The guy paid gangsters with knives to hit my brother. My brother ran in a supermarket and called the cops. Its scary!
You might not ever be able to get rid of the voices, but you can stop giving them power over you.
Therapy helps.
You need to learn not to believe nor fear the voices.
You might have to come to terms with the voices being permanent. And then just do your best to live with them and tune them out. I had hallucinations for 13 years or so. I still worked and socialized. I just got very good at tuning them out.
I have no excuse. My delusions don’t say don’t work. I have no voices or hallucinations. Just laziness (genetic?) and no drive and no motivation. I have low energy. It’s not depression. Perhaps, I have man made (human induced) (pseudo) (aritifical) schizo-affective disorder. Perhaps, just good ol’ shell shock syndrome.
I really just wanna work and for work to be worthwhile. Maybe I’m messed up into thinking I need X job and Y benefits in order to work. I don’t want to risk losing my benefits for a crappy, temp job only to not be reinstated with SSI if I fail. It’s just an excuse to get people off benefits or to slowly starve them and kill them to get them off the government’s payroll.
I also need a nice, pretty girl in my life…
I’m pretty pissed (and convinced) that I was in MK-Ultra to say the least and ■■■■■■ up by grey aliens. No benefits or money. No confirmation to give my parents assurance and peace. I suspect if I die, they’ll get money. I hope my family is safe if I die. I hope nothing happens to them because of me. They don’t need the money, but they sure deserve it.
I really want to get off meds, but I do it to keep the peace. I might have severe anger and aggression off meds. I might lash out and ■■■■.
I don’t like therapy bcz I don’t have patience to talk about my private life. I am good with my psychiatrist, he never talks, just says how are you doing today. My apts only last 2-5 min.
You don’t have to lay out every detail of your life to a therapist if you don’t want to.
If you go into therapy specifying you want to learn how not to react so badly to the voices, they will mostly want to talk to you about your confidence and give you coping strategies. Some things to try out to not react to the voices.
I don’t think you should dismiss it, it can really be very helpful, and there are many different kinds.
What about therapy groups?
I now it can be scary to share your thoughts with stranges, but I’ve really benefit from group therapy. It helps to know there’s someone else with similar struggles, and to hear other people’s coping strategies.