For obvious reasons my confidence and self-worth is non-existent. As a child I was abused and bullied by teachers/students, which made me self concious and I never gained confidence until about… this year. I am a Junior, going on senior. I was always told I was stupid and probably retarded, and I still believe that. The voices always call me an idiot and retard, and I believe that.
So what I did in the past/now is I try to build myself up, but it always comes out wrong, for instance “your hair so good. Probably better than the other boys’. And you’re pretty much a genius, the doctors said so. You’re better than them”. And it’s the only thing that makes me feel good. I don’t think I show it on the outside because it’s internal to make myself more confident. But it’s hard. People are always bringing me down, and even when I try to say I’m smart they laugh and make fun of my grades.
But I know deep down I’m smart. The voices just seem to drown it out sometimes. And I hate talking about it because I don’t want people to think I’m being self absorbed or showing off. It’s just that doctors have told me I’m very intelligent and I score high on IQ tests (not at school, I fail every one because they SUCK and they can go in a hole) and I have people tell me I’m smart, but I really just don’t believe it. I know it’s true somewhat deep down, but I keep looking for people’s approval and I think I need to focus on myself and approving myself.
The damage done to you in childhood cannot be undone.
You can, however, focus on your adulthood.
If you are really smart deep down in you, sooner or later, I think the intelligence will emerge, and people surrounding you will start noticing it.
Whatever the outcome, please keep a balanced attitude.
Forget about intelligence… that doesn’t make you smart. Being smart is about setting the right goals and reaching them. If your slacking at school for no reason your only making your life harder in the long run
It’s not like I don’t try. I cannot do school. My mental disorders are so strong it’s impossible for me to take care of myself or speak to others, even at home. My mom needs to feed me and take care of me. I’m able to shower now and brush my teeth once and a while, but that’s all I can do.