What schizophrenia has done for me is showed me that there are multiple ways to think. Everyone is a little self-centered, they have to be. Now that I think about it I have always been more self-centered than the others. Not actively talking about myself, but I realize I don’t do much thinking about other people. Having schizophrenia has amplified this. Going through delusions of persecution and fearing for my life for sixth months have put me in a position to forget how to care about others and to listen to them personally. I don’t like it, I’m completely self obsessed now. Symptoms constantly remind me that I need to get better. Its kind of how it works. The symptoms remind you you have a problem and there you are again thinking about yourself. Does anyone else feel this way? I mean I understand that people are entitled to be self-centered but is that really a desirable trait?
No it’s not a desirable trait. I was so paranoid and aggressive that I scored highly for psychopathy when I was evaluated, luckily being psychotic nullified it and I am not diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. I have good relationships with friends and family now, at the time I spent most of my time alone in my room playing xbox or drinking with my alcoholic friends.
don’t let this illness define you. I was very angry and distrustful of everyone while psychotic. You can get better and become less self-centered as you recover with insight, medication and therapy.
I had a terrible prognosis but I am doing very well. I take my meds, I go to therapy and be honest, and I nurture my relationships with other people.
sorry , i only want to talk about me !?! did you say something i wasn’t listening…lol
take care
I think what youre trying to say is schizophrenia is an all encompassing illness where your mind is totally distracted by voices and delusions.
I agree. I think I can get pretty self centered too. I don’t think I am really more self centered than others, I just think that helping others feels good and it is (sometimes) a guilt free pleasure! So when you talk to others about themselves and are really interested and really listening, you are moving out of the common vein.
I know I can slip into a very egocentric way of viewing the world. Sometimes I do get very frustrated that people don’t understand my illness and won’t change their day to accommodate me. I have been given social skills classes to get this back.
Also, I think my ego travels with my paranoia and my anger. When I’m not angry and not feeling like everything is in danger, I can let my guard down and relax and enjoy other people.
But one thing that I think kept this idea from hitting me too deeply is that I have 4 younger siblings. When something comes up and my parents can’t help me, I can’t say they are out to get me and don’t love me anymore. That is not the case. There are 4 younger siblings that need them too at times.
I think it’s Sigmund Freud’s fault. All of this.
Actually, tbh being somewhat narcissistic helped me cope and survive intact. If it hadn’t been for being able to write I would not be the person I am today. I am fairly happy with myself atm. I’m back on the medication and I’m back to who I want to be, or at least can express myself better. For me it wasn’t narcissism as much as finding out who I was, and putting the pieces back in place. I’ve worked hard on remembering facts as facts, not dependent on everyone for information–but trusting both inner and outer wisdom. I really got tired of being sick. I took medication, went to therapists, wrote in journals, wrote a memoir, pieced together what happened and details of events so I could no longer be afraid of what happened due to misperceptions.
It’s not entirely psychological but if I had been taught how to cope with the thoughts and emotions in a non-negative but positive reinforcing way I would have been better in no time, probably would have saved years of life being in confusion. I don’t regret it at least I got better but I did do a good portion of the recovery work on my own. The biggest help to me was Carl Jung and reading psychology books so I learned to understand the nature of it all. I also started reading college textbooks on psychology online from like Yale.
I used to be smart. They won’t even give me anything for my ADHD and so I continue to take this fun stuff called Abilify which helps take the edge off but doesn’t exactly motivate me or get me on the right track… so I’m starting Fish Oil supplements I think it’s helping.
Being self-centered to a fault is bad. It’s not my fault I’m schizoaffective, but I have high standards and morals. I just haven’t formed strong enough convictions because the world I live in doesn’t present me with enough truth to hold anything accountable to it.
I’m not sure if this applies, but it makes my boyfriend feel all-powerful and important. He thinks he’s an important piece of a jigsaw puzzle in some large, Universal plan. He always tells me he can’t tell me everything or he’ll feel conceited, but I guess he basically has all of these powers and people backing him up and large dragons in all of these different dimensions or something - basically he is an important part of a plan that involves the Universe.
He also thinks schizophrenia makes him think deeper and more intelligently than others. He basically puts me down without realizing it, saying I think “just like everybody else” and can never look beyond Earth. I am apparently not capable of thinking with as much creativity and insight and will NEVER understand some things. I am also not allowed to speak about certain things, but he’s allowed to. I could get killed for it, except that I’m dating him so I’m protected.
On a more physical level, he seems pretty self absorbed, if by accident. He will think everyone is looking at him or caring about what he’s doing. He thinks everyone is after him. He also doesn’t seem to care how his actions affect me. He seems more concerned with his own needs and his own wants and if I don’t agree with it, I’m just “controlling him.”
forgive me for this sin but go ahead and be selfish and self-centered as you feel the need. this sz is a horrible disease and think of helping yourself because you deserve the opportunity as a good deed.
it’s just the way it is. you gotta help yourself not just others. no need to feel bad or guilty about it.
hope this helps. judy
It’s nice to hear what y’all thought
In my NA daily meditation book it says EVERYBODY struggles with self-centeredness. But it is particularly common in alcoholics and addicts.
that is pretty normal;
one he is a bloke and there fore being self centred is sometimes a given !
two being sz we are more focused on us and we never stop thinking.
do you have a support group you can attend as people who are carers like you are, need as much or more support than your boyfriend.
the more you understand about sz, the more you will understand him.
know that some one cares.
take care
In my Recovery groups we used to talk about vanity vs. pride. Every human is a bit vain and thinks they are special, but in reality the vast majority are pretty average in most respects. Pride is something that is more desirable and often deals with serving a larger group outside ourselves (i.e. a mother raising a responsible child, a soldier defending his country, an employee doing a good job). Legitimate pride also involves overcoming an obstacle. Narcissism and undesirable self-centeredness has a lot to do with things that have been given to us that we really can’t take any real credit for.
I think there is a narcissistic element to schizophrenia because it is a somewhat rare illness so it makes us feel special. I know I struggle with my own narcissism… I was always head of the class in grammar school and that really puffed up my vanity even though I sucked at sports and wasn’t a very good looking child. The farther along I got in my education the more I began to see how average my intellect and my so-called talents were. It’s a little humbling to realize that you are just average in just about everything you do. The true geniuses, saints and amazingly talented people are extremely rare.
I’ve had some grandiose delusions, and there were mania spikes where I was sure I was invincible. When I go through my journals and look at how I was writing, I have to admit, I was pretty obnoxious with how great I thought I was.
But I do remember one nurse at one of the hospitals had a very sharp pin for my ego balloon. I don’t know how she did it, but POP… and all of a sudden, I was a mere mortal again.
Yeah, I wonder if some of my grandiose delusions were a reaction to feeling a bit powerless in some of the tedious work environments I was in. Also, flunking out of a bunch of courses in college burst my ego bubble quite a bit too. (One even has to wonder if Earth is just a run-of-the mill planet as far as intelligent life goes.)
I can surely be self centered, especially when hypomanic or manic, but I am more self absorbed than anything else, there is a difference
I was just wondering… What kinds of books does he read? What kinds of movies and tv shows does he watch? I think most of my delusions were fueled by the information I sought and took in. I’ve also noticed that a lot of people have trouble reading outside certain genres… It’s hard to get some religious people to read a book on science and hard to get some science people to read a book on religion.
(I constantly forget this but) It’s impossible to argue with people’s delusions and usually only makes them dig their heels in deeper… Maybe it would help if you just humor him or gently change the subject to something less cosmic. Your boyfriend is probably right that there are plenty of things beyond human understanding, but I am now more skeptical of someone who claims to know what those things are and it’s pretty hopeless for me if they can’t explain it to me in a language (or with pictures) I can understand. I believe it is more their responsibility to make an effort to do so if I am a willing listener. I have also encountered people with great knowledge of science or religion but seem to be totally clueless when it comes to ethics.
As far as the selfishness goes, it is pretty difficult to tell someone that they are selfish, sloppy, lazy etc. without them getting defensive or combative even though it may be an accurate statement. Maybe it would be better for you to praise him more when he does actually something kind for you and not react or even mention it when he does something selfish (especially if it is a trivial thing like eating all the potato chips 
). Most people don’t even realize they are doing things that can be considered selfish but the first reaction of anyone being accused (justly or unjustly) is to get defensive or worse yet justify their trangression in their own minds (or even worse yet they will go on the offensive and accuse the other person of something else.) It sounds like you confronted your boyfriend with being selfish and he came back and accused you of being “cosmically ignorant.” Pointing out your concerns to him kindly when you are both more relaxed might be better (body language and tone of voice matters a lot).
You are very kind for staying with him. It is really tough to help someone when they think they don’t need help.
BryanAshley - I think that was pretty much what I went through when I was really sick. Self-pity is the worst. I am not sure how I got out of it but I think doing small kindnesses for others helped… I have a few mentally ill friends that needed help shopping, or I visited them in the hospital and sent them small gifts, or even just putting some change in the donation cans in stores. I am constantly helping my friends and family with their computers. Doing even the smallest task for someone worse off (and there is always someone worse off) is really good therapy. Helping my 90 year old dad out has been a good way for me to return the favor. We aren’t doctors, nurses, firefighters, policemen or soldiers but we can still do a bit of good.
thanks for the advice! i do “humor” him i suppose because i listen to every single thing he tells me and encourage him to say more if he wants. i don’t believe most of it, but i don’t want him to think believing things (that aren’t harmful or mean) is a bad thing or having a “crazy” imagination is something to fear or be upset about. i discuss it as if it’s any regular conversation, giving my input, doubts and thoughts. i never just say “no, that’s stupid” or anything like that. i like that he has thoughts and creative thinking and a huge world he enjoys thinking about.
i also never call him anything unless he asks for my actual opinion. i think he realizes he’s in the wrong most times, but i know it’s hard for him to stop worrying or thinking these things or “not trusting me” with secretive things he worries about. i try to not get offended, even though it can be slightly hurtful, seeing as he’s my boyfriend and he feels he can’t tell me some things. but i try to understand.