Schizophrenia.com

Scared of what is coming, schizophrenia?

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#1

Hello, I’m 17 years old and I would like to share my story so far, this not a story of my journey but rather what is starting to happen and what I’m afraid of. I apologize in advance for my bad writing, I’m from germany and it’s not the best.

So I don’t exactly know where to start so I’ll just begin somewhere.
I currently ended school and not really doing anything else then planning on what to do.
I started smoking marijuana at 16 and quit about one or two months ago because of the experiences I had: the first time was outside, we were sitting at some park it was quite cold and nighttime, we started smoking a joint and after the effect kicked in I felt so much colder than usual, I actually am one of the persons who doesn’t have a problem with cold weather until it gets like freezing cold (This is all so hard to explain). So the first thing that happened prior to that was me seeing some dudes walking past us (huge distance from us) and I couldn’t really see them but somehow my mind made assumptions in a weird way: I basically thought they were turks that were scouting us to steal ■■■■ (this is were I felt really bad, I automatically saw my thinking process for what it is and the fact that I’m not normally a racist but then my mind has such a superficial thinking process freaked me out within) in reality they were just some random people walking past us. Then I needed my flashlight from my phone for something and my flashlight app has this huge flashflight as a picture and I found it really dumb that they used a photo of a flashlight and started theories in my head about it. The next thing was when we were thinking about switching locations we thought of two playgrounds which should be empty now and that that chairs/tables on them, and then I somehow thought going to one of the playgrounds would be childish because the other one looks more like a park (idk) but this was really weird because two of the people actually acted as if it was and I think their acting was what made me think that. We decided to go to the Park-Playground and I later went home because I was having such a ■■■■■■ up and bad trip and also preceiving the cold way to much.
Then I come to my next experience I was at the house of a friend and after smoking a joint on the balcony I suggested we watch a movie (I couldn’t stand the cold, also I felt like a child not like from my mind but from what I needed to turn this trip into a good direction because I already felt it going into the direction from last time) So I needed something so lay down on, and something to do (and I’m not talking about being stoned way to much but I actually needed it like on another level)
so then we start watching a movie when another friend arrives and I normally liked him somewhat but at that day and all days since I preceived him somewhat of a kapitalism idol: he always talks about new stuff that he has, we should buy, or he is going to get. Also his clothing style looks perfectly like one of those boring teen models, he basically can be labeled so easily; its scary.
Well he came into the room and disagreed with watching a movie since he wanted to do something. (Normally okay with stuff like this, but for me it was like my life is going to end; I just wasn’t able to go out)
Then the third experience is when I stopped smoking, I started hearing different things from what people actually said, I can’t even remember what they said exactly but it was always some bad comment about me. When we played a game of cards they never really talked to me but with eachother and this was real now: I was randomly blushing without any reason also they said I looked like I was really loosing something when loosing at the cardgame. (This third story freaks me out everyday)
After the third experience my perspective on life switched in some ways, and I had really strong social anxiety when walking outside (grocery shopping) social anxiety was never a huge thing for me and I didn’t know what to do with it since it hit me so spontaneously, I stopped meeting friends since because of some personal ■■■■ that went down one of the friends I fully trust isn’t hanging out with us either and the other one was in canada.
I told the other one in canada that weed made me somewhat schizophrenic and yeah.
(I forgot to mention that I needed a perfect setting in the third experience, I not only preceived cold way to good, but also lighting and sound)
I also started dreaming again while this happened but I normally dreamt really rarely and now I can remember the dreams every day in good detail.
I dreamed about a path the other night, and I had most part behind me, but the part behind me looked way easier it was like a path of huge oaks which was bursting with sunlight and the path infront of me was more like a swamp/jungle really crowded path which looked like there is some really hard obstacles to overcome, I think this has something to do with it.
Well know I’m basically scared af, alot of things I didn’t mention also fit into the symptoms…
I’m scared that the schizophrenia will someday invade my life, I have had a childhood and most of my teenage years of depression behind me, this summer I finally was happy in my life again and having this on my mind just completly ■■■■■ me over, I don’t think I’m strong enough to take on more years of ■■■■, am I not for once allowed to be happy?

I am thankful for your time reading this.

#2

hi…
know someone cares :heart:
take care :alien:

1 Like
#3

What will be will be(Google it)

#4

I’d get a copy of this and grind my way through it to see if things fit or don’t. (I’m pushing out a $20.00 bill in a “good” direction here, though lesser issues may be involved.)

#5

Can you talk to a doctor MD - go into ER?

#6

I think you should go see a doctor. From what I hear the sooner it gets treated the better, if it is that.

If not, just a load off your mind.

#7

Welcome to the forum. Hard to say if it’s schizophrenia or something else. If it’s schizophrenia, all of the current research indicates that early treatment means a better outcome. See a doctor as soon as you can and get things rolling.

Also, please understand that a schizophrenia diagnosis is NOT the end of the world. I turned 47 last week. I’ve had this illness for over two decades. I’m married with a kid, hold down a job, am active in my community (and am recognized as such), etc. I’ve even managed to be published internationally as both an author and a photographer while having schizophrenia. Schizophrenia complicates things, but doesn’t mean you’re suddenly without hope or a future!

Anyhow, thanks for sharing and please check back in and let us know how it’s going.

Best,

Pixel.

4 Likes
#8

Hey and welcome! Like the others said go see a doctor about it, they will answer for sure. But I have to tell you that I have schizophrenia and a friend of mine hasn’t. I used to smoke weed all the time and end up with just a little paranoia, when she smokes she hears voices. She doens’t have sz, she just can’t tolerate weed. I’ve met a lot of people that can’t tolerate weed or psychadelics but dont have sz.

So with this said… You are very young! Stop messing around with drugs, because clearly you can’t take them. Even for a normal person, drugs mess with the brain. You don’t want that, seriously. I started doing drugs vey young too and I regret it now.

Good luck.

#9

Thanks for your answer.
The thing is that the age were sz commonly starts is about my age, and I used to be able to enjoy weed, it helped me getting motivated to learn stuff that I actually wanted to learn but never found doing, drawing, painting.
She hears voices from weed? Is that normal?
Was your friend experiencing these voices since she began smoking or did it suddenly start.
Oh, I also had another experience about half a year into smoking, I took some bong hits and ended up with hallucinations, it was nothing minor also it could have been me dreaming since I fell asleep alot during this trip but im pretty sure it was real, my vision was completly disabled and I saw a neon-pink picture with a green dot within it slowly expanding until the picture was green, then I had a few mental blackouts waking up at different locations then I went to sleep. This seemed like timeless neverending(hallucinations which I thought from my research on the drug, couldn’t happen)

#10

Thanks, this lifts some of my worries.

#11

I think she only heard them once, she says she has it when she is with a group with bad vibes or when she feels unconfortable. I don’t know, maybe she is developing sz, hopefully not. She’s around my age and never had any sympotms that I know of. We’re 28.

Well, I’m not a doctor, only a doctor can diagnose you. But I’m inclined to say that your brain does not sit well with drugs. Being drug free is a great quality in a person, don’t let peer pressure tell you otherwise.

#12

I think that if you are scared you should go to an early psychosis treatment center as soon as you can and get a full evaluation (they are usually free at the centers listed in the sites/links below):

Where are you from (what country do you live in)?

http://forum.schizophrenia.com/t/early-psychosis-treatment-centers-how-to-get-great-help-for-free/12743
#13

He’s from germany. I’m curious to know if there are any centers there. Wish there was some here. Portugal likes to mimic germany, maybe there would be something there

#14

Here are some early psychosis treatment centers in Germany - if you don’t live close to one of them - still call them and ask if they can recommend a center closer to you for evaluation. They will know (or be able to find out) other centers closer to you.

Early intervention services for young people at risk of psychosis in Cologne, Germany
Stephan Rurhmann, MD. Head of the Cologne Early Detection and Intervention Centre for Mental Crisis
Julia Paruch, Senior Psychologist

The Cologne Early Detection and Intervention Centre for Mental Crisis
(FETZ), Department of Psychiatry and Psychotherapy, The University
Hospital of Cologne, Germany.

Website:

http://www.fetz.org/

AND

The Psychosis Early Detection and Intervention Centre,
Hamburg, Germany
Associate Professor Dr. Martin Lambert
Professor Dr. Psych. Thomas Bock
The Psychosis Centre
Department for Psychiatry and Psychotherapy
Centre for Psychosocial Medicine
University Medical Centre Hamburg-Eppendorf, Germany
Martinistreet 52, 20246 Hamburg, Germany
Tel.: +49-40-7410-53236
Tel.: +49-40-7410-55455
E-mail: lambert@uke.de
Website: http://www.uke.de/kliniken/psychiatrie/index_ENG_40441.php

Production of education websites - German: http://www.psychose.de

English: www.psychosis-bipolar.com; Turkish: www.psikozbipolar.com:
Russian: www.psihos.ru

Germany EPI

Cologne Early Recognition and Intervention Center for Mental Crises (FETZ)
Cologne
Germany
www.fetz.org

ABC Schizophrenia Study
Mannheim
Germany
www.zi-mannheim.de/962.html

Mülheim contacts e.V.
Mulheim an der Ruhr
Germany
www.muekon.de

Eggers-Foundation
Alexanderstraβe 23
D-45130 Essen
Holsterhausen
Nordrhein Westfalen
D-45130
Germany
www.eggers2stiftung.de
info@eggers-stiftung.de
49 2018569550

ZeBB
Klinik und Poliklinik fur Psychiatrie und Psychotherapie des Universitatsklinikums
Bonn
Germany
www.zebb.de
zebb@ukb.uni-bonn.de

2 Likes
#15

So does she still smoke with the right enviroment? Sorry to ask I find this really interesting since my friend in canada was also talking about placing yourself in the right enviroment when you take the drug from experiencing people he met there.

Is there other stuff I shouldn’t do until I know what is going on with me? I read stuff about managing alcohol use?

#16

Forget about all of it and try to just chill for a bit, then find some work or study something+get job…Induced psychosis is reported by some users. Absolutely good reason to never touch stuff again…

But, pot does reduce anxiety and voices if you do end up dealing with some symptoms. If it’s legal, it’s your choice.

I would ride through this clean and see what happens. You may be spending time around someone who causes people to hear the voices, try to cut contact with the wealthy ones or the off people and the dealers, see how the symptoms go. Do not talk about their dirt either for best results.

You need to know some people are crazy and will not treat you right…They say nutty stuff to you people…they even stalk someone in groups and verbally harass people in way that sounds like they know what you are thinking. It’s all bad joke. These hear voices, follow orders to stalk someone and harass them about something private – called thought broadcast.

Your internal voice can be hijacked and you hear funky thoughts just appearing. This can make kids and old folks around you sound possessed. It is bad joke. Called thought broadcasting…

About mental care, they will call a lot of stuff delusional including all this crap, this means they are not allowed to discuss it. Mental care does not help with these ‘social problems’ at all. If you ever get angry with your care, they will lock you up in the mental hospital at your own expense for as long as they can justify…If the care is not working for you, try other doctors and switch when you find a good one.

You may notice some memory loss, flashbacks or memories returning, PTSD can easily be present for a lot of people if you lived alone or hung out around the wrong people. Do not be surprised, govt lets wealthies and wrong things play with head of peasant…You need to avoid anyone who is topic of a memory loss plus anyone you met through them, it gets women hurt and you may not necessarily get to press charges for being hurt.

Hope this helps. This is the usual stuff that scares…If you can stay calm, sometimes this wave of crazy just passes some by. You have higher worth if you learn a trade and work. People who work life/death stuff are sometimes less affected, but usually need to shack up or get married to keep the weirdos off. If you start to have social problems or too much attention from strangers, you are better off picking up one of the good ones you already know through Facebook. US is so bad some male coworkers will get you fired to land you and you will not be paid termination pay for getting screwed and this kind of stunt gets worse as you age…Need to pick a man who does not call you name about any mental stuff that might happen, some guy who try to pick you up by thought broadcasting can be okay choice as he is street wise. Can be worth it to check out these pickup attempts but you may only get weirdos so you know to avoid these…

It will be okay. Some don’t go out alone much anyway except during the day to shop or run errands, would recommend keeping a buddy so you don’t feel so threatened. If you see anything nutty, you know they are just a crazy.

#17

Well what’s great about what you post , you seem like a very reasonable young person , which will stand to you. Just don’t smoke any more weed , all the best.

1 Like
#18

Yeah she still smokes. But if I were you I wouldn’t. You don’t have a good reaction to it, you might regret it later.

You’re very young for any drug, alcohol included. Take it from my experience, the younger you start worrying about this issues, the harder it is for you to quit in the future.

I think in your situation you should quit everything and go see a doctor about these issues. In my opinion.

#19

Don’t be scared man…just know that you are not alone,we are all stumbling foreword to the same end…ultimately ,at your age I was scared also so I disassociated myself from the world and as a result I have a inward thought process that isn’t very positive.

Like admin said there is lotsa people that can help you you should utilize those resources and also keep a open positive outlook.

#20

I too have had negative experiences with weed. It makes me paranoid. It makes me think things I don’t want to think. It makes me unhappy. When I was close to your age I started getting hit with massive anxiety attacks. They were not fun at all. It seemed like I was denied life, that I had been shut out. Any social set back at all seemed like a massive defeat. It seemed like I was locked out of the things I wanted in life. I think quitting the weed is a very good thing for you. Some people can smoke it without it doing them too much harm, but others can’t. I think you would be happier if you got some ambition and studied hard. I didn’t do that, and I went through years of misery because of it. It took me until I was over fifty to get happy. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m just suggesting something that might help you feel better.