Good early morning peeps!
Well I got panicky after talking to the pdoc, a few hours later the voices were back with a vengeance.
So I called him. He was really good about it, asked me what I had in the house ordered a script that was half the strength I was taking two weeks ago. Told me not to worry about it. Said there are sometimes false starts in remission and we’ll keep working at it. Still I feel so stupid.
I’m feeling so overwhelmed I could freaking cry. This is such a helpless feeling. Idk what to do, but something has to give. If I can just get through this week without losing either/both of my jobs I’ll be okay, I guess. Ugh, I just want to ■■■■■■■ die sometimes, though I’m not really suicidal.
Hi freak, feel like I haven’t seen you in a bit.
Sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed at the moment-- what’s going on with your jobs?
Yeah, I haven’t posted for a few days.
Well, I feel completely lost in my teaching job, trying to do this online stuff and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m already way behind where I should be with my students, haven’t done a lot of the things I should have done by now. I might email my course coordinator and tell her I’m lost and need help.
The new job trimming buds (cannabis) is not going well, either. I’m working there 40 hours this week, which is cutting into my teaching time, bit off more than I can chew. There’s also the fact that I am the slowest trimmer. I trim the buds too well, better than they need to be, and they are not happy about it, on account of the low quantity of finished product I’m putting out. That’s often a complaint with me, though; employers often get on me about needing to move faster.
Yesterday I came down with a sore throat. It wasn’t so bad so I figured maybe I was just tired as I do sometimes get a mild sore throat when tired. I was also getting some chills and just felt exhausted but I didn’t have a fever.
I woke up this morning and my throat hurt really bad and I just feel sick. Body aches, and just general malaise. I still don’t have a fever. I just feel scared not to go to work because if I tell them I’m sick they’ll make me do covid testing and I could be forced to stay out of work for a week or more and I JUST got an apartment and want to be able to afford all the expenses that come with that, suddenly having to take 2 weeks off work would be a disaster.
I also highly doubt I have covid. I get tonsillitis all the time and it feels just like that. I know sore throat can be a symptom of covid but it is a pretty rare symptom and is more likely to be due to something else.
Anyways we don’t even have ibuprofen or Tylenol right now so today is gonna suck.
Yea online teaching seems a lot more complicated than the old-school way. My mom’s a teacher as well, and the sheer amount of stuff she has to prepare is wild-- so I totally see where you’re coming from. No shame in asking for help either when you need it.
Trim work can be rough stuff, lots of nooks and crannies and super detail-orientated (if you care about quality, which it sounds like you do).
40 hours of trimming is no joke, coupled with your teaching gig, that can defos make for a lot of stress.
Hope your week goes smoothly, and you get some well-deserved rest soon.
Woke up early for some reason. It’s 6am here. I grew out my hair for the longest time and then was feeling rebellious so gave myself like a pixie cut and I absolutely love it. Even my parents say they couldn’t cut their own hair like that. So I’m proud of it. Things are going well at my house; trying to give myself a break on trying to be perfect/accepting myself for who I am. Also taking a break from following anything political. Too heated/and being a liberal/humanist I tend to see the good and bad in all sides so I just need to take a vacation from information/news. Maybe social media in general. Trying to be more outgoing and not introverted/but i am definitely happy to have my own space and time to myself. September is my self-care/self-love month.
Feel better soon, @Anna!
One of my schizophrenic patients yesterday after I finished my group said that I really knew what I was doing and that I was good at this, that he had been feeling bad all day until my group. The other people in the group agreed and it made me feel so happy. I have been told a number of times now that people find my groups really helpful and interesting and that makes me so proud because I come up with all the content on my own based on both research and things I have learned from therapy and personal growth. I even handwrite all my thinking exercises.
I also stopped that same patient from being put on a shot that he had been on in the past that gave him severe side effects. He wasn’t able to communicate it very well himself (he has trouble getting to the point when he talks, his dialog tends to wander all over the place) so I spoke up for him and told the doctor “look, the shot gives him severe side effects, do you really still want to give it?” And the doctor was like oh no discontinue it. So I got to tell him he didn’t need the shot and he just looked so relieved he had been extremely anxious over it. He said the side effects had caused him months of suffering and disability basically.
I’m going to go to my friends house today.
So that will be nice.
I will wear my mask so that he can’t see me
Anyways
I’m ugly
Gonna wash myself now seeing as I masrurbated last night and my hair is really greasy and I picked spots all over me
My head really hurts. If only I could go for a jog I know it would make it deosappear :’(
I could do with good breakfast. Theres a few Mexican places nearby with great breakfast burritos.
Ahh Fck 
Paranoia is crippling me today. Ive already done 50mg of Serqoul.
I cant even get out the flat to buy some milk. Ive blocked off all the windows with black paper incase people are “staring in” which is plain stupid cos im on the 1st floor.
Someone give me a new head my ones broken at the moment.
Hi folks. I’ll be leaving in a half hour for my ultrasound. Should go well I think.
Really didn’t get into a deep sleep last night. Was all worried that something was caught in my throat. I was swallowing like nuts. Anxiety maybe? Don’t know.
Hope y’all have a good one.
Now this is summer weather that I like. My window faces east. The sky’s so hazy that the rising
sun is a dim pink. If this lasts the whole day and stops from becoming like an oven it will be nice.
My acid reflux kept waking me up all night. I feel very tired this morning.
I’m waiting on a lot of phone calls today.
I hate waiting for phone calls, it gives me so much anxiety…
I could call you and hang up lol 
