Hello everyone,
this is going to be LONG post it covers 4 years of my recovery and illness, please be free to ask questions.
Everything started when i started university and met new friends at it. I was quite young, sporty, eating healthy, not smoking but socially akward, lacking communication skills and i had big problems of anxiety. I was also heavily bullied at school. Sometimes I used to look over my shoulder back to see if no ones following me, as I was afraid of persecution and only then I was about 15-16 years old.
At university i met with stoners and started to blaze up. Oh man how i felt good and i kept doing it EVERY DAY! jesus, it affected my in the end in negative way. I became more and more alienated from my friends, I started to feel depressed. I started to have sleepless nights, started to skip work. I thought i was paying the rent money to my housemates and not to my landlord.
I started to get paranoid. My memory started to break. Delusions started crawling, i thought people were sabotaging me and my belongings.Ive noticed my charger was cut, my bikes breaks were cut. Maybe they worn off or maybe started to hate and be afraid of my delusions and started to fight against me. But i am not answering to this rhetorical question. One classical thought i had was that I had delusions that my family was in mafia and that I was a chosen one (grand idea). Although i didnt have any visual hallucinations, but had sound ones, just knocks or I was just too sensitive to the noises around me during my first episode.then I thought gods and goddesses were living among us. Believed in reincarnation. One moment i was watching Snoop Dogs song video and I thought he was coming to smoke up with me LOL.
It got so bad that I was kicked out of my renting room by my housemates, I lived on the streets for few days until university gave a me a room. I had this prejudice against mental medication. When i was giving anti psychotic with anti anxiety drug. That night i took it I just passed out, i barely walked back to my room. It shows how much schizophrenics body is drained during the peak of the episode!
My family came and SOMEHOW convinced me to go to the hospital. I dont know but they probably talked with specialists how to convince me and approach me and I am very thankful to them. At the -hospital next day I was given around 7-8 pills and then i realized… ■■■■ I am ILL! my first treatment took me whole month. I became drowsed by my medication and I got into depression after realizing what i experience and what Ive done during my episode. I also started to chainsmoke cigarettes. But i didnt drink.
I have been on 75mg Depot injections for about 3years and FINALLY im coming off with tablets. I say its a miracle with my condition. ALTHOUGH i still have problems with anxiety and have some kind anxiety-paranoia attacks at least once a year. I go to the gym daily, play football, basketball, have two jobs now. have friends that i can trust and they tolerate my illness, they even forget that i am even ILL! I managed to quit smoking after smoking 30 cigarettes a day.
I want to thank my psychologist, my family and my friends. If i can DO it, why Cant you? when im at the bottom and feeling really bad, i just think i can only go up from there and i keep going. I keep track of my thoughts. I have lost few battles with schizophrenia but I am WINNING the war. I always self motivate myself, motivate others. I cheer not for myself but for my friends and family as well. I think schizophrenia is a curse and a blessing at the same time. Its a challenge, one of the hardest life can give, but i dealt with it and so CAN YOU! I know it might sound cheesy, just know without trying there might not be good tomorrow. Keep dreaming not only for tomorrow, but for a week upfront, months or even years. Dont let the ilness to take the top. keep yourself occupied to shy off the bad thoughts and ALWAYS trust people close to you.
Thank you. I hope this inspired you 