I have one good friend, sometimes I’m worried I’m putting all my eggs in one basket. I should make more but I’m tired a lot, hesitant to.
I feel like I’m sailing on the coast of a continent of clarity, I can see the land, sometimes I’ll rub against a sandbar, but I’m having trouble steering it to shore. I’m doubting what clarity means for me. It’s a good thing.
I don’t even know what I’m asking users here, I’m just emotional I guess.
I’m scared of losing all clarity, but I think I’m closer to getting better.
I’m upset but I have no reason to be - I’ve seen some pretty nightmarish things from these forums and depression forums at carenity and other people have it rough
I don’t know who I am sometimes there are so many voices that sound like me in my head. I explained this to my therapist but I don’t remember what he suggested. I think it was something like ‘practicing using my senses’? I feel like a conglomerate of individual bodies melded with foreign ones, hostile ones.
There are so many swirling emotions in me. Disgust with my flaws being very high among them. I’m weary of even talking about it in case people try and comfort me into thinking that functioning at the level I do is alright when I need to be trying harder to be worth something. I CAN do better, I am OBLIGATED to
The only way I can get a glance sometimes is to look at the journals I’ve kept over the years and mark the consistencies. I am really very lost. I’m unwilling to help myself sometimes, which is weak.
If I could cry I wouldn’t stop. I exist somewhere. It’s more complicated than I’ve explained it but I don’t want the post to drag on