I don’t even know if this is allowed but I’m asking for help not trying to preach any religion. I’m pagan but today I’m getting the thought that I’m sinful, deserve to punish myself, I had demonic voices last night telling me to kill myself repeatedly for hours, it didn’t bother me as much until today I started thinking these things. I also felt like I could read someone’s mind and I thought they were a demon for that reason.
I’m on abilify maintena and had a lag in it recently. I had my shot a bit over a week ago and thag cleared up a lot of my symptoms, but then I had to go over a traumatic event with a fine tooth comb with my lawyer because the hearing is coming up.
I saw somewhere in the internet that it’s impossible to really think there is no god. I don’t know, we’ll see. To think you’re evil is common among us. I am right now in my life thinking that my pain has stopped making sense, that a benevolent God would not allow it. I pray but don’t know what I’m praying to, probably a god who has a shadow.