I’m really starting to lose my grip. I have been trying to write this post all day but I can’t form the right words to describe how I’m doing.

I’m not sleeping really at night and at first it was okay but now I’m having to pull myself out of bed late. My concentration is slipping. I can’t focus. The voices are louder and more frequent. I’m having delusions and paranoia about my husband wanting to kill me again and people watching me so they can spy on me and hurt me. I’m spending my entire day literally tearing apart some area of my home to remodel and then becoming tired and leaving it.

I can’t even spend quality time with my kids other than napping or a bath because conversation is too difficult and I’m so agitated by everyone. I hate this.

Everything is turning back to ■■■■. I have this suffocating weight on top of me that I’m just tired to lift off and my head feels so full it’s going to explode.

I think something is taking over my body and controlling me. None of these actions are mine. These thoughts are not mine. I don’t know what they want from me. I’m not special.

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