Does anyone else have the problem of delusions that are reality oriented? In other words, if I am delusional I make sure my delusions make sense. Or are delusions typically not believable at all? That’s one of my problems though, if it makes sense then it’s harder for someone to tell me I’m being paranoid. Like one time I was at a silo and I said that since we were near a military base and there was no farm around there might be some kind of monitoring system in it, a perfect place to hide a surveillance system. That’s one of my more out there instances though. I know that the Masons still have meetings in town and I’ve seen the lights go on, one time when I wasn’t well I had a fear that they were a cult and were hazing college students to join their cult. I also have one pervasive fear that I’m being watched through my webcam. I think the reason I have these kind of delusions is that I enjoy mysteries and it makes me feel special to know secret information. But if I let the conspiracies evolve, and I’m rationalizing them, I fear I will lose touch. That’s why I block a lot of information out because I tend to try and connect the dots.
My worst of all experiences were of a paranormal nature. I thought I could control reality, I couldn’t explain certain things which led me to jump to conclusions about them. But most of the experiences involved electrical currents and being able to manipulate energy. I also have had premonitions and psychic experiences that have been verified. I know that telepathy is a possible experience, which thrills me. Because it means that we are more than just our bodies. I have a drive and urge to harness my abilities, and tap into my psychic powers to manipulate the universe again, but I’m in the process of setting goals. It needs to have a purpose. Such as experimentation, health. I’ve thought that if I can manipulate nature perhaps I could heal the ozone layer, or stop hurricanes and earthquakes. I’ve meditated to stop tornadoes and earthquakes and it always worked. I’ve also read cards for people about injuries and health.
So the question is, where do I draw the line? Should I pursue my interests in the paranormal and mysticism? Can I do this in a balanced way without becoming overwhelmed by revelations?