Schizophrenia.com

Rambling on suffering


#1

When I suffered there was nothing glamorous or noble about it. I had no tricks to make it any easier. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I did not understand it.

I just lived it. I endured. My spirit outlasted the suffering.
What did I learn from it? About the only thing I learned was that I did not EVER want to go through it again. I agree with some famous actor that said that suffering is useless. It is not necessary or useful.
When I talk about what saved me it was probably my family and especially my dad. He saved me from giving up or committing suicide by the sheer force of his will. He never gave up on me. When I was at my sickest he would visit me a lot at the group home. We would talk for hours about everything under the sun.He told me stuff about his life and his hard times. He lost his real mother at age 5 and had a few step-mothers. A few beat him or verbally abused him. He grew up poor during the Great Depression in the thirties. He joined the Navy when he got out of high school and saw some action in Korea. He was an alcoholic who dd some horrible things to himself; stuff I can’t say here out of respect to his memory. But we would talk for hours about what I was going through, the delusions and weird perceptions. He told me a lot about life.
I do not suffer anymore. I go through hard things and hard situations with the paranoia and all. But I am 90% better compared to when I first got sick. It’s so different now that it is like I lived two separate lives : first when I was psychotic. And then NOW. But to all who are suffering NOW I don’t want to make anyone feel hopeless. My advice is of course take your medication. Use your family to help you. If you can find someone you can trust to talk about exactly what you’re going through than that is great. I said I had no tricks but looking back it might help you and make it somehow easier if I tell how I made it. Medication. Cooperating in my own treatment i.e. taking advice and suggestions. Not fighting the people who are trying to help you. Keep an open mind. Know that other people much worse than you have made it through. It seems hopeless but it’s not. I was at the brink at one time, at the very edge of seriously going insane. But I have measurably recovered and I feel like I will continue to improve. I’m looking forward to school in Fall and I went to my depression group last week. My family is trying to help me and I accept that. You guys are lucky to have this forum. I went through the worst of my problems before the internet was invented but when I was at my worst I think these forums would have helped me. Don’t give up. Plenty have been through this illness before you and survived.And many like me have done more than survived and have a life. Good luck.


#2

Very good post. Your Dad was an amazing man. I’m glad you had him on your side.

It took a very very long time for me to finally put two and two together on this. But once I finally followed this recipe… things got much better for me.


#3

One can not recognize joy if they have never known anything else. Suffering isnt actually all bad. I am happier today just being stable and having my life back the way it should be, being myself. I feel a decade older due to the ■■■■ I have been through. I dream of getting my dream job, being settled down with a husband or maybe a wife, I dont dream about having sex while on three hits of ecstasy next weekend like some people my age do. I dont dream about getting really drunk. I dont dream about having a fancy car.

Suffering builds character- but to die while suffering is only tragic, and it does happen to some people.


#4

OK. But I still agree with the quote that suffering is often purposeless and arbitrary.


#5

I disagree with you there. It’s because of my suffering that I’m able to be thankful for the little things. My illness has changed who I am and I am more mature because of it. If Jason came into my life ten years ago I don’t know if it would have lasted. I was too wild and doing drugs and drinking and having sex with anyone. I was in so much pain that I was trying to numb it anyway I could. But coming out of such a hard time has made me grateful, wise, and mature. Now I look for the genuine things in life instead of focusing on the superficial. Think of who you would be today without sz. There are a lot of life lessons I bet you wouldn’t have learned. You’re driven and that probably comes from your struggles. :sunny:


#6

Really liked this Nick.
Would you mind if I printed this out for my son?


#7

Go ahead bridgecomet, of course I wouldn’t mind


#8

Thank you…I have a hardheaded son.


#9

There are two camps when it comes to suffering - Those that get bitter, and hate others because they suffered
Those that have learned a lot, become more empathetic, become stronger because they suffered, I find myself in this category


#10

Excellent. Life goes on no matter we are happy or sad. But suicidal thoughts can stop us from going on our life. Be careful. Thank you for the advice. I am also recovering, but not so with my emotional wound which has nothing to do with the mental illness itself.