The rage is back. I e dealt with none stop triggers for two weeks and my brain is just letting loose now. I’m certain it’s not just sz but that’s cool that people don’t believe me.
All I’m gonna say is I’m tired of being this angry negative person for others amusement… I wish I knew how to fix it but I don’t…
If you want to gaslight me go right ahead… it won’t change what u really should be trying to change. The harm in the world will continue to happen as you play hero. The only comfort I have is that for every abuse done towards me there’s another missed opportunity to do something actually good in the world. You may not see it like that abuser but it’s true unless you see suffering as a good thing then you have to deal with that before any meaningful progress can be made…
From the bottom of my heart… I will never give up on bettering myself or seeing the truth in the world…you may not agree but I don’t give a flying ■■■■
Yea… I’m talking to my therapist over text now. Bro…my heart is also full of hate…it’s been Soo much fearful… humiliation and pain I am not a bitter negative person and I resent having to be like this …
Basic I think vigilantes have been abusing me for the past 8 years because of stuff I did in my past. Over the course of 8 years I’ve developed a lot of defence mechanism that are really unhealthy. Over time they are starting to effect my personality and it’s making me really upset to see how all of this has effected me. I wasn’t a saint before but I was never full of hatred and anger …or violence. In my life I’ve only been violent a couple of times until all of this started.
I’m tired of having to be this person bro
…I like who I am without the abuse and mental illness
I think I have to find ways to be less reactive. I’m better than I use to be but it seems the triggers are coming more frequently. If I can control my reactivity I won’t be able to see clearly .
I’m ok now but I have to deal with this anger thing asap. It’s been a few months since I was like this. Maybe it will pass
I totally get what you’re saying. I’ve been in that headspace before, feeling like everything’s just building up and it’s hard to find a way out. It’s frustrating when it feels like no one gets it, or worse, tries to downplay it. I’ve found that focusing on small things that I can control—whether it’s taking a breather or just talking it out with someone who actually listens—helps a little. It might not fix everything, but it can ease the pressure. At the end of the day, keeping that drive to better yourself, even when it feels like the world is still a mess, is what’ll keep you moving forward.
I will be honest there are times when I feel like totally giving up and letting the world have its way with me. But I am pushing harder then ever now. I still want control of myself and life.
