Punishment

I have just about had enough. My voices have been hurting me repeatedly over the past few days because I made a mistake and did something I shouldn’t have done. My addictive nature has always been a stumbling block in my life. I ■■■■■■ up. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress between my schizophrenic fiance who refuses help from a psychiatrist, and breaks my heart a little bit each time he on a daily basis brings up the ‘so called gang stalkers who are following him around with electronic weapons, and voice to skull technology.’ His mother, who lives with us, constantly causing chaos with her bipolar mood swings, unable to look past herself and her toxic emotions and way of thinking. Everyone one around her being the target (me especially) to whatever poisonous waste she spews out of her self-absorbed state of mind, add all that in with the stress I deal with from having voices myself and tactile hallucinations, hell even a non-schizophrenic would have a hard time handling it all. Add all that in with self-righteous voices in my head who think it’s okay to punish me for any major sin I’ve committed recently, using my own knowledge of the Bible against me. I can’t help but jump on the side of where my rebellious nature sits and think, who in the hell do these voices think they are?! If I wanna ■■■■ up and make a bad decision then that is my right! I shouldn’t be tortured because of it. In America, if a person does something bad or illegal and gets caught, they are arrested, read their rights, and placed in a facility that does not hurt or torture them for the wrong they are accused of doing. Innocent until proven guilty. I am so sick of my voices using my religious views against me. I’ve just about reached my breaking point. I am sick of it all!

I get painful Tactile Hallucinations too. I’m sorry you have to go through that. It IS like a punishment.

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