All I can add is one time when I was in a goofy mood stuck in a three bed/nightstand and table room, I thought it would be a good idea to turn every piece of furniture up-side down and opposite side of the room.
It wasn’t easy, it weighed a ton and me barely 100lbs, took about 2 hours of flipping and sliding all the metal furniature around, but no one cared to notice my handiwork.
Then as one crusty nurse walked past my room, I could hear her shouting to the nurses station who was in (my room) and I had better put everything back the way it was.
No sense of humor what so ever.
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One time I was in the hospital, and somehow I had gotten the phone number of a human rights group called “Amnesty International”. My thinking was that they were trying to rape me, and rape is a form of torture, so I was justified in calling that group, even though the people I got were doing fund raising, and not taking on cases of human rights abuses. Naturally, they turned me down rather tersely. Finally, out of frustration, I said over the phone, “We have Daniel Ortega here, and we’re going to shoot him in the head if you don’t pay attention to my case.” (Daniel Ortega was the leader of the Sandinistas movement in Nicaragua. I figured that because they were working for Amnesty International they would know that, but they didn’t.) The attempt at humor fell flat. The head nurse overheard what I said, and she made them give me a shot of Haldol because she thought I was getting out of control. I got really angry that she was putting me on Haldol. Boy that made me mad.
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I went walking in my sleep once. My room was right next to the nurses station and one morning I got up to eat breakfast and as I walked by the nurses station the nurses were all looking at me and giggling. And I had no idea why.
I asked them, “What’s so funny?”. And they told me that I had gotten up at 1:00 am and walked over to them while I was asleep and said a bunch of stupid things. I didn’t remember doing it but it was funny and I started laughing with them.
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Someone put on a michael Jackson video tape in the lounge area and I decided to push back all the couches to make a dance circle and about 10 of us patients were having the best time dancing to to billy jean and thriller while all the nurses watched and giggled.
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After being comatose in the hospital for three days I finally came to enough to take a shower and get clean clothes, well I set my dirty clothes in the shelf in my room. I went to the day room to check it out and figure out how to get laundry done. I went back to my room to get the dirty clothes and my panties were missing. I told the nurse this girl Candy stole my filthy underwear and the nurse said she definately wouldn’t do that. Right then here comes Candy down the hall wearing my big old panties on the outside of her clothes. I was so embarrassed. But now I think its funny
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I’ve never been to the psych ward, but i’m enjoying these stories
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There was this time that I was in a ward in the adult unit and you could see into the icu unit. Well this girl was locked up in a small room with windows.anyway she was freaking out and screaming violently for twenty minutes or so.throwing trashcan up against the window. I don’t know why well I do know why it took them so long to tranquilize her.she was going bats hit.
Another good one was when I was twenty three and in a ward a hundred miles south. It had been raining all day.the smokers were outside for a last smoke of the night then suddenly there was this big flash of lightning and a real quick BOOM. People started running.it was funny.
The psych ward I was in, had this huge interactive canvas screen with puzzles and music and stuff.
Me and some of the others started doing a really hard jigsaw puzzle together, and we got to stay up past the normal bedtime to try and finish it, even the employees were watching. It was really fun getting to do this together when we normally didn’t talk much to each other.
Maybe not a funny story, but it’s a fond memory 
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I was in the psych ward and the alanis morresette song guardian was just released and I was sure it was written for me. Delusional, but helped me feel better. Now anytime I hear that song I thing of that psych ward
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The guy sitting out back behind bushes on the dirt reading the dictionary from cover to cover. My form of entertainment was walking around the outside perimeter of the hospital;. I walked past this guy almost every day for a few month. We were actually on pretty good terms.
Or the 40 year old woman with humongous breasts who always wore one of those short summer dresses that women like. All the guys around my age (20) teased her mercilessly (except me) They use to touch her breasts or act like they were going to just to hear her yell. She talked in a little girl voice. I felt sorry for her so one day when I was passing her in the hall, I smiled and said “hi”. She freaked out and gave me a look of pure hatred and hissed at me like a cat or a snake. Those guy really messed her up.
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One time I was in a ward with a woman from the worst part of town in my city. She was poor and didn’t have much education. She was my roommate and chatted with me about her son. She noticed my mother had brought me books and she politely asked me if she could read one because she didn’t have her bible. I looked at my books and picked Robert Frost’s collection of poetry. I gave it to her and she sat in her bed reading it for days lol. I often think of her. She was so into Frost, she was like, “oh I love this book” and that made me happy!
Another time, some punk threatened to kill me and he intentionally ran into me, so I yelled no, I’ll f* you up and then I went up to the nurse and said, if he messes with me, I’m taking it out on YOU. She took care of that issue pretty fast. I didn’t have anymore problems with that guy after that.
Another time, I was on the ward watching tv when a south east asian guy came up to me, bowed down, went down on his knees, and began bowing and touching my feet while chanting in a different language. There was another south east asian who spoke that language and she burst out into a hysterical laugh while watching him touch my feet.
“HE THINK YOU GOD” she hollered and fell back in her bed, cackling (she was on suicide watch for felons, so they brought out her bed to the tv rooms so the cops could watch her). HE PRAYING TO YOU! she said, still laughing while lying down. I guess that guy was pretty psychotic…it’s a good thing the meds had kicked in by then, because I can see that turning into a new delusion of mine lol! I pointed at myself and said, “not god, human, human” and touched my arm. It was funny, absurd, and sad at the same time.
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You should have told him to sacrifice a white ram on the altar first and after that you might deign to talk to him.
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There was this cute nurse who was an intern, and she was always very friendly with me and giggly. Because I liked her, I gave her my headphones while they were playing Steppin’ Out by Chuck Mangione to listen and said to her “this song reminds me of you”. She immediately froze up and backed away and never spoke to me again. When I was being transferred to the physical therapy unit from the mental unit, she was asked to wheel me in with another nurse, she really kept her distance. Guess I spooked her…
Another story was when I was in ICU because of a suicide attempt due to my psychotic episode, I was coming to because the painkiller drugs were wearing off but I still was pretty high on them. I had a catheter up my urethra. They took it out and instructed me to pee, and I really tried but I couldn’t, so they put it back up and I felt the pain, it wasn’t fun. So Next time they took it out, I knew I had to pee because otherwise they’d put it up again. So because I was still medicated by the painkillers and not really sober, I thought this idea was a really feasible one - I said to my mom “I can’t pee here, take me to Mcdonalds I think I’ll be able to pee there”. Imagine a guy being wheeled in a hospital bed with a broken femur and other bones just to use the bathroom… I never pushed my pee as hard as I did that day to avoid that catheter.
I made a friend in a ward. She was in for a suicide attempt. We got along great and talked at length. She was always playing with her hair as if she wanted to make a pony tail, but didn’t have a hair tie. She couldn’t keep up with everything I said (in psychosis I babble incessantly), but seemed to really get me. We exchanged numbers. She called me twice and I didn’t answer.
I always feel a little melancholy about it, but she was a reminder of a darker time in my life.
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This older guy would go into everyones room and take some of their stuff and stock it in his room. He was happy to give it back to you if you went to his room. Other times you’d see him peering around corners like a sneaky dude lol.
Another guy would spit into cups and leave them around the place.
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Most of my visits were by my own design to be able to see someone I wish I could. But I never did, and stopped putting myself in the hospital because I was afraid they would find out. Anyways, these are a few of my stories.
There was this room where we could all get cartons of milk. And someone went in there and said “it smells like piss in here”. He brought someone else in there to confirm and they went around telling people not to go in there. They went up to this one guy sitting a table away from me and the guy says “yeah, it was me” “It was you?” “Yeah, I pissed all over it” Then they got mad and started shoving the guy. One of the staff came up to them and broke it up and took Mr. PP to another unit (where the troublesome people go). The staff explained to the other two guys that it’s not his fault, he thinks everything is a game.
Another time, there was this guy who got on the staff’s nerves. He asked me if I wanted a quarter and said if I give it back to him later, he will give me a gold dollar coin. So I said sure, took the quarter and exchanged it for the gold dollar later on. The next morning, I went into one of the tv rooms and the furniture was all pushed against the walls with the guy standing there. “Do you like what I’ve done with the place? I’ve pushed all the couches against the walls!” I was like “okay.”
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I was at the weekly dance. I don’t dance but the nurses kept nagging me to get up and dance. I was 21 by the way and just starting my career as the most unaware, clueless schizophrenic in town. But anyways I digressed.
The most beautiful girl in the hospital was dancing by herself because all of us guy were scared to dance. But I got up and asked if she wanted to dance and we slow danced. I was doing pretty darn good considering it was my third time in my entire life. She was really pretty and delicate. A faster song came on and I said, (pretty lamely, I guess) I didn’t know how to do fast dance and I laughed. That’s all I said but she looked at me and said, “You’re weird!”. I was crushed. My feelings were hurt and I was embarrassed and humiliated. I turned around and walked out of the cafeteria. I almost felt like crying.
I went way down the hall to the smoking room and it was empty and I just sat there feeling horrible and feeling sorry for myself. After about 4 or 5 minutes, that girl walked in (did I mention she was beautiful?). All she was wearing was a hospital gown… She came over and sat my lap, and wrapped her arms around my neck and just snuggled up to me.
OK. I had been dreaming of this situation since seventh grade. But I just at there without doing anything. And sat there. And sat there. And in a moment of great bravery, I got my courage up and…I still just sat there.
After a minute or two she got up and left. I always wondered why she did this. I think that women just like to see guys show real emotion and she probably felt bad for me
But WTH? I have no idea why I didn’t do anything. This was the chance of a lifetime and I blew it. It was 37 years ago but I think about it every three or four years. Now that I’m 56 it hurts my head to ponder about it. I can’t even blame it on schizophrenia, lol.
Oh well, I’m not a total loser. Just four months later I gave a woman a peck on the lips when she kept smiling at me and giggling whenever we passed in the hall.
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I learned if u thought people were watching u outside in the real world then they really watch u like a hawk inside-I know we all know that- but I was trying to reopen my wounds in the dining room when I hear in the sweetest voice “hey thepoeticskunk, what are you doing?“ I didn’t say anything, but I got a big bandage so I’d leave it alone.
I was the oddball that always had a blanket over my head in the common areas till they took that away too.
One time I sat this guy down and went on and said a 10 minute story about how I felt I was an alien in a robot society…he literally didn’t say a word the whole time…then I say “You probably think I’m crazy!” and he says “nah I don’t think you’re crazy” and that was the end of the conversation. Then he walked away and never talked to me again.
I’ve been in the psych ward 7 times so have tons of stories obviously but this one comes to mind for some reason…
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My story is actually from a “program ranch” for kids who misbehave.
I was 15 and had just gotten admitted, so I was considered “level 1”. In level 1, you get all your stuff taken away, no shoes, no personal possessions… You get nothing except a notebook and a binder full of “Level 1 Assignments” AND they put you alone (but monitored) in a dirt circle at the top of a mountain.
On my second day of level 1, in my dirt circle, I was so depressed that I just cried for hours. Then I got the brilliant (not) idea of breaking my wooden mixing spoon, to make it sharp, and stabbing it through my foot so that they’d have to take me to the hospital. Well, it broke the skin but didn’t go through. My foot swelled to 3x it’s normal size and turned purple, but they wouldn’t take me to the hospital because the staffed nurse said I’d be fine.
That was super crazy of me. I was delusional and convinced that I could escape if I caused enough harm to myself… It actually just made my stay in level 1 even longer.
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