Can others connect the dots here? Can others see that “always” and “never” are just another version of “all” or “nothing” or… “black and white logic?” (She is 22, but she has a very good education in social dynamics, not to mention having graduated at the top of her class. Perhaps we should take note.)
High five. (Have seen this waaaaaaaay to many times to dismiss such notions. But I will add that HPD seems so often correlated to childhoods with parents who did or could not – for whatever reasons – really show effective and/or consistent affection, understanding, empathy and compassion to their children.
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Another fine and dandy, up-out-of-the-box observation and resulting functional behavior therefrom… and a statement of policy worth serious consideration.
I will agree, but will add that this is only the case when the norms are consciously realized and understood. If we are unconscious / unaware of the norms, do they reliably work for us?
Nahh , you take note , I do what I want , I’m lucky in that doing what I want usually adds up to me being a pretty decent guy. Go sponge somewhere else…
This is a MAJOR dot connection. And one of the most often seen dynamics of behavior in the families of origin of neurotic, borderline and psychotic patients.
Say one thing (with a sort of veiled threat implied). Then say or do the opposite, implying that one is going to be “left out” if they don’t go along with it. Bateson’s “double binding” / Watslawick’s unconscious “paradoxical injunction.”
Bateson, G., Jackson, D., Haley, J.; et al: Perceval’s Narrative: A Patient’s Account of his Psychosis, Palo Alto, CA: Stanford University Press, 1961. Etiology of schizophrenia.
Jackson, D. (ed.): The Etiology of Schizophrenia: Genetics / Physiology / Psychology / Sociology, London: Basic Books, 1960.
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How about each neigborhood, each sub-cult-ure, each family even? (I hit the like button right away, though.) Worse, especially from the p.o.v. of mental illness, how about one p.o.v. today and another tomorrow? (However subtly stated or modeled.)
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I certainly get the thrust here, and you’re probably right. But I married a “recovering prostitute” in the '80s and had a wonderful time with her until the uninspected baggage both of us brought to the alter fall open and the demons in it jumped up and started biting.
It was never the mere fact of her past status that troubled her. It was what had caused her to use – for profit this time – the same beautiful face and body her father and grandfather had raped so many times when she was little. Did she grow up to see herself as a mere “receptacle” for the self-obsessed, narcissistic rage of other men? Duh.
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While I cannot generalize this dynamic to 100% in my own experience, it is so often the case that I find myself setting very solid boundaries with ardent, pushy moralists. The man who ■■■■■■ the ex-wife I mentioned above (when she was a child) was a featured performer on a nationwide religious broadcast from Garden Grove, CA (hint hint), for years. And one righteous moralist.
@kidsister wrote: In my eye’s they weren’t. However, they kept telling me they were.
Amen to that, for sure.
You asked ( 
), so here goes: IMO…
- Sometimes yes; sometimes no. The key word is “excessive.” Excessive by whose standards of belief? EG: Two lovers is “excessive” by the standards of fundamentalist Islam and Xtianity (though males in both camps tend to “get away” with it more often than women who are sometimes stoned literally and figuratively). BUT… two thousand sexual partners doesn’t seem to be much of an issue for Shannon Tweed, a former Playmate of the Month who’s been married to KISS bassist Gene Simmons for several years. She and Gene are both iconoclasts who prefer to rise above the common cult-ural BS, have a good time and don’t give a ■■■■ about such things, after all.
That said, there is such a thing a sex addiction (Google Patrick Carnes on that). One can a) make a mess of one’s own life and leave a trail of wounded behind them (though I will be the first to the we are all responsible for our own choice-making), b) enjoy many partners without causing much of a disturbance, or c) some combination of a and b, which is more typically the case . I see it as useful to examine topics like sex addiction to see if one’s own behavior is “functional” (meaning life-affirming) or “dysfunctional” (meaning life-negating). For those who are sufficiently intrigued, Anne Wilson Schaef and Pat Carnes’s former employer Pia Mellody wrote particularly edifying books on this in the '80s and '90s, btw.
- I think it comes down to unconsciously introjected, Western Judeo-Xtian and Islam, Old Testament, first five books of law biblicalism. Like it or not, the vast majority of people are still stuck in the mental trap of Charlie Tart’s consensus trance (look it up; it’s fascinating for the open-minded). One may never have set foot in a temple, a church or a mosque in their entire lives, but the mores of the masses are constantly modeled for us by the media and all the models of “proper” behavior therein. (I know you know all this… but for those who may not…)
Those who continue to stumble through life half asleep (as the elites prefer us to do for their benefit? NO!) are bound to hear the voices of propitious morality (quite loudly if they are schizophrenic; sigh) here and the siren call of the beauty’s compelling flesh there. Most will figure out some way to believe they have resolved the conflict, but it will jump up and bite them again and again unless or until they come to terms with the FACT that “when you’re hot, you’re hot… and when you’re not, you’re not.” It’s really that simple, but because of all the cult-ural programming, we believe we have to make a big ■■■■■■■ deal out of it.
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http://www.millon.net/taxonomy/narcissistic.htm
(Does even the choice of identity tag suggest it? Nah… couldn’t be.) ( 
)
Interesting topic. From age 16-25 I was involved in a culture where having multiple sexual partners wasn’t frowned upon or encouraged. Amoral if you will. I was very sexually active during this time, responsibly.
I learned so much about people, sex, emotion, human relationships and ultimately companionship. Yes, there were people that couldn’t grasp the concept and would hurl insults and claim moral superiority. I feel the words promiscuity and morality are highly subjective though.
If you can experiment with sex safely and responsibly with consensual partners, go for it. On the other hand, if you are emotionally harming yourself and/or others…something needs to change.
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Great , that’s quite an assumption , Wanna talk about ‘Projections’ now? Lolz, it gets confusing you know…
Sexual frustration leads to (fill in the blank please). 
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On an intellectual level, I believe that I’ve moved past outdated judeo-christian ideas about human sexuality. Yet it feels like on an emotional level, I’m still in agreement with these ideas that were instilled in me in my youth. I have no idea how to resolve these feelings which I can clearly see are holding me back.
False morality 
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Ahhhh Kenny!! A customer women called me a troll today…
You should’ve just asked her if she was mad.
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Sorry to hear about your troubles at work, I went through the same b.s. at my old job. I quit that job because I didnt have the tools to deal with myself at that time (Which is why I am now working temp jobs). You are doing a good thing if you are working. Working is constructively investing your time and energy and you’re supporting yourself.