So I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2009 and was on antidepressants for about 9-10 years. I really had a hard time because I had really good support with my family until my mom died. Being diagnosed and trying to continue your life on meds has been one crazy journey. I wound up in some pretty unusual relationships and was very much broken. Ever since I had a few big life changes I have been holding on… I realize I was able to almost make some good decisions but my mind just wasnt strong enough to fight the things I probably wasnt a fan of. I am now pregnant and I have a had a really rough almost two years of marriage. Lets just say my symptoms kicked in like no tomorrow. Everything seems big and powerful and I feel powerless. I also notice that when I was on meds I could do what I wanted. I have tried since to be responsible for my health and well being. The hardest part is acknowleding my achievements. Since I have been off meds I am told I am doing great but the rush of the voices which are probably memories or hallucinations becomes too much especially since my mom and dad are not here. I have also faced a lot of changes and I realize I should take things slow. I just wish this could be easier in some way or that I could focus better so this would take over much of my brain space.
Some days it feels like everyone I know or knew played a bad person on my life. I am trying to move on now. Just looking to continue my coping skills from all of my therapy sessions.