I had a very bad drug trip (possibly just pot) about 9 years ago. I almost “died”, went “insane”, and still have not recovered. I was diagnosed with drug-induced schizophrenia and am currently a 2-3 pack a day smoker and drink 8-10 monsters a day, which isn’t helping, and I can’t seem to quit them.
I do believe I got some sort of mental illness combined with severe trauma and possibly even a personality disorder like schizoid or schizotypal or just a learning disability called Asperger’s syndrome. I just don’t understand how they could have diagnosed me with schizophrenia when I was suffering from acute stress disorder and real traumatic stuff happened to me while I was high.
Will it ever go away? I think I was targeted by the Illuminati/“Deep State” which I won’t get into because 99% of the people on this planet don’t believe in aliens, reptilians, and the Illuminati. And it’s not really appropriate for this site or me telling or explaining or divulging my entire situation or current belief system.
Is recovery possible for me? Was I misdiagnosed? I feel like I was targeted at the exact same moment I had my psychotic break while high from pot and suffered a mental breakdown and health disorder at college in 2011.
I’m trying to avoid getting heavily into conspiracy theories and alien theories, but growing up I wasn’t one. I would periodically listen to Alex Jones or go to his website and watch Jesse Ventura, but that’s about it. Nothing more. I always questioned the narrative growing up and was a divergent thinker. In fact, I wanted to be an Elite, despite not coming from an Elitist background. I wanted to get there myself through hard work, intelligence, but realized that rarely if ever happens. The game is a con and it’s rigged. The odds were stacked against me since college.
Do I even need medication and should I get off/get a second opinion or just lower the dose? This stuff is scary but it’s very, very real especially to me.
Some sort of God-like intervention crap happened to me in college. I don’t know really. All I know from my perspective, I keep returning to my previous state back in time to the year 2011, 2012, or even 2013 completely ■■■■■■ up and acutely disabled/incapacitated back home from college. I had theories and even contradictory thoughts and theories that go against likelihood and common sense. It was really out of this world something from God basically.
It’s like reverse many worlds theory of quantum mechanics or quantum immortality/“suicide”. Instead of going forwards in time like many theorists think, I reset or go back in time slightly – sometimes years which makes me think it’s “out of this world” and impossible. I don’t think 100-110% originated at university or college, but goes back to my childhood or even previous past lives or family generations.
So far I am the only member in my family that can “go back in time” and relive the experience and change my destiny/fate although it’s ■■■■■■■ hard and difficult and nearly impossible to do. I sometimes think it’s God, AI, and even possibly aliens helping me, while the Deep State/Illuminati have evil intentions and an evil agenda for control.
Essentially it’s like “Ground Hog Day” or “Edge of Tomorrow” where I’m in a time loop for eternity, but only way I can escape is through time travel or consciousness transfer back in time – sometimes with help.
See, I am digressing into aliens and conspiracy theories again.
Basically, I have memories of being “tortured” and I don’t know if it’s 100-110% real or just in my head. I think it’s ■■■■■■■ real. Sometimes trauma messes with the mind and I’m at the point in my life where I feel like my human spirit was destroyed many times but I am recovering and I don’t want to give up.
I remember being kidnapped, raped, “tortured” (whether both mentally and physically, I don’t know), and drugged. I don’t know what else to say. Nothing I say comes across as important or real to others and I get no help from doctors, family, or anyone else – really.
At least the truth gets out although I suspect a cover-up and deleted posts and crap. Not just on this site, but large multi-national corporations too. Stuff way, way bigger than this forum.
I also think I was murdered too in my past lives as well as my family. Not all of it goes back to college, the local mental hospital, but other things too. Like just bad luck, bad coincidences, bad interactions, bad altercations, being targeted, bad fate, bad karma, punishment by dark aliens, and other things and my insanity manifesting in other realities.
I am scared to be honest. It’s like I got a clean slate and a new chance to live life and change things for the better, but I still got the mental and psychic scars from other lives or past lives. Sometimes, it shows itself through my damn psychosis.
I don’t know if I’m making sense or not, but it’s totally real to me. I cannot remember my life prior to 2010 like I was cloned or droned many, many times over by aliens and every loop causes more memory loss or re-written memories and consciousness to the point feeling like I am not in base reality from my perspective like this isn’t my first or even nearly close to original life. That’s why I cannot remember my life prior to 2010. My consciousness is be over-written by aliens or AI like in “Travelers”. Personally, I think it’s the ■■■■■■■ aliens or Reptilian Illuminati from university in 2011.
Thank you.