Me, I’m a depends category. I despise conflict and try to avoid it. However, i will jump in if one of my friends or a really important belief is being tread on. For the most part, I’m pacifist though.
I was generally the person putting myself between the combatants and pleading reason, hell if I was going to have a fight break out at one of my parties but there was a fine line, like one night an argument breaks out between two guys who’s little brother ripped off the others little brother and I end up between them saying, F…let you’re brothers work it out for themselves and then the N word is dropped by the guy I’m actually defending as he’s with my crowd and I just throw my hands up and say “That’s it, go” Guy got his face rearranged and we all watched until the other guy got tired of the pummeling.
But then, I’ve laid a few punches on the offense, the first time was in 2nd grade and I wanted to see how tough this kid who wanted to join my “wolfclimbers” actually was. The other was when some perv grabbed at my girlfriend and I took him down a slope full of beer cans and ended up swinging on eachother in a pool of muddy water before he got me in a headlock and I got him to agree that going back to our drinking was probably best. The last fight I was in I started too, it was over a girl, the same, words lead to emotions lead to a few punches to his face…horrified some german kids and got kicked out of the party with my ex in trail…stupid love triangle was what it was.
I don’t like fights though, figure myself a pacifist, but can understand the feelings that lay behind the starting of one, the passion.
I’ve always been the combative type, but I’ve mellowed out a little in adulthood. I was the over-protective, Type A personality older sister to a very timid little brother growing up. I beat up other kids who picked on him and whatnot, beat up some kids who harassed the special ed students, and was just generally very feisty. I become easily enraged in the face perceived cruelty or injustice. Plus we had a very unpredictably violent alcoholic father, so I felt like I had to be always ready to fight a full-grown man more than twice my size to the death in case he tried went after my brother. Luckily only happened a few times and it wasn’t to the death. But given my disadvantages in size and strength, I also learned to fight extremely dirty.
By the time I was an older teen, though, I had learned that sometimes the right thing to do is to let people fight their own battles, so that they can grow in confidence. Constantly jumping in to try to rescue them can damage their confidence, pride and self-esteem, thing that can take much, much longer to heal than a couple of scrapes. I’d still jump in if it seemed like someone was going to lose, and I can still snap and get very verbally loud and aggressive if I think someone is getting picked on. But I am mostly all bark with no bite these days.
Watching my brother grow up into a pretty large and more confident young man helped considerably, I felt like I didn’t need to be the pit bull anymore. But thank the gods he finally found a good woman who treats him right, I had to suffer through a lot of self-control while he was dating some less than nice betches.
I have to add to my list of combative actions nearly running over a guy accused of raping my friends younger sister, went to swerve but just nicked his arm with my side mirror and left him 20 miles from home. In retrospect I feel bad and conflicted about this knowing what I know now and remembering what happened to me when I was young. Who the hell knows, better to let the justice system either deal with such things where proven or make horrible mistakes with human lives.
@mussel
A while back I posted about my discovery of a man who had sexually abused my friend for two years. I wanted to hurt him. The things he did to her were unforgivable, and he got off the hock because his church was able to cover up what he did. He hurt my friend. That is worse than hurting me. He will pay.
However, I am not one for upfront violence, and it wouldn’t suit me well to do so. But, I can be a bit…evil when someone hurts my friends. I can hack. I plan to erase all his internet files and spam attack him. I have other methods I shall try out.
Like wise, I have and will continue to purchase chicken feet and gizzards(from a local store that sells them!) to put in obscure locations at his home. I call this passive fighting XD. He will feel the rage of disgust when he turns on his sink and chicken…parts come out… God, was that too disgusting or harsh?
I come back to it later… I work out the details of the fight and build my argument and than attack! Kinda throws people off when I come back later bout some issue they dropped when I went. Quiet… But Never physical violence… Turn the other cheek
Yeah, I think so. I had a very passive, neglectful mother, and aggressive, sinister father, and a vulnerable, timid brother. So it was just like WELP, somebody has to step up to this mess. I would imagine that a lot of combative personality people are in a default hyperviligant state most of the time for similar reasons. But it does have its downside. I think I experience way too much stress over things like every day confrontations or disputes. Probably have way too much cortisol in my system on any given day. It’s like it’s seen as a good thing by people when I’m going to bat for them, but it can just as easily be a ridiculous drawback when I’m going into a rage because someone ate my Chinese leftovers.
I’m not really consistent in how I respond to provocation or attack. Most of the time I will go to great lengths to avoid a fight, but there are other times, not very often, where I don’t do that so much. I generally work to avoid conflict, probably too much. I was talking to this one guy, and he said, and I agreed with him, that sometimes all you’ve got to do it talk a little ■■■■, and it all blows over. Most of the time I avoid conflict, unless it’s over something really important.
It’s so hard to want to remain a decent person in the face of injustice, cruelty, immorality…etc. Sexual predators, especially those who prey on children, should be rounded up and executed. But because this doesn’t happen and we aren’t able to take any violent actions, I like your approach. Subtle, kind of, but probably pretty unpleasant for that individual.
I avoid conflict when I’m losing and get really passive aggressive. I also have that fear reaction to just freeze sometimes. On the other, other hand, I can get pretty combative.
I avoid conflict…unless you won’t stop getting in my face. I grew up/still live in a high crime neighborhood, so strangers frequently stop me in the street to ask for something or other (lighter, the time, my cell phone…my number…) and things can get ugly really fast.
Just last week I had to report some dude for threatening to kill/beat me up. Some young punk was walking and came up to me while I was listening to my mp3 player, asking for a lighter. Politely said no…this turned into an hour long harassment thing where I sought refuge in the gas station and refused to leave until the dude finally left me alone. I had to call the police because he made some threat about lying to the police about me…otherwise I probably wouldn’t have filed a report at all, as is the case frequently in my neighborhood. Thankfully, I was way too paranoid about the lies he could have told to be silent and I filed a report but nobody ever contacted me—even though everything is caught on the gas station camera. Evidence shmevidence, I guess.
My uncle was also a meth head, and if you’ve ever lived with methheads, they’re nothing but conflict and potential danger. Between my uncle, the neighborhood, and the psych wards where death threats were common, it’s hard to ruffle my feathers.
He got what he deserved. I have a no mercy policy with rapists/predators. I agree with you those people should be rounded up. As far as I’m concerned, they have no more rights.