I have very low self esteem after developing this illness. My thought is that having high self esteem is often a symptom of overestimating your own abilities. In other words, you’re in denial about how average or below average you are, or simply lack the insight to understand just how not-impressive you are. So in a way I think there are two types with high self esteem, those who are truly impressive and those who suffer from myopia or are simply unwilling to accept the fact that they are not special. The opposite is true, there are those who really devalue themselves compared to a realistic judgement of their worth. I probably fall into that group, being a person who suffers from self defeating thought processes as a result of the illness. I’m also in a group who have a realistic view of their value in the world, due to my good insight into my illness (recognized by my pdoc) and my understanding of the extent of my limitations as a result of it. So I feel like my worth in the world is less than it used to be because I’m not in denial of how badly the illness has disabled me. Finally, I don’t falsely believe that my understanding of this is perfect. I think it would be much better if I weren’t constantly cognitively impaired by my illness. An example of this would be my poor memory, I can’t perfectly remember what I was like before I fell ill (2 years ago) though I have a vague idea at best. Overall, I was much better off back then, my pdoc also believes that to be true.
My best friends keep telling me I underestimate myself.
I sometimes have an intense feeling of not being important to anyone, and my mind turns it into me being unimportant because I’m unlikeable and worthless.
I recently told my best friend about how I feel like I’m not important, and he spent the next five minutes (with a worried look on his face) telling me how important I was to him. It made me feel a little better.
I think it might be my paranoia that makes me feel like I don’t matter. Y’know, like it makes me think nobody likes me even when logical/rational arguments say they do.
maybe i am stupid, maybe i am wrong all of the time, i try and do what is right or what i think is right, nobody seems to get me, am i thinking about it too much ‘probably’ but i cant help it,
people have made it clear to the mods that they don’t like my posts, i can tell who likes me by who likes my posts, i think i have burnt some bridges in the past but i didn’t mean to i am not perfect you know, nobody is,
i think a lot of people have misconceptions about me, i mean its bad enough being stigmatised for sz as well as that, what am i supposed to do? take it on the chin? or go down with the ship? or defend myself?
its a matter of survival, like what would you do if you felt you were being threatened? by members and even worse ‘the people in charge?’ the only solice i can gain from this is szadmin liked a post of mine a couple days ago, that made me feel a bit better even though the post was then locked 
Self esteem changing as a result of circumstances is something I experience a lot too. Before sz it was controlled by events in my life and the way I looked at things, afterwards (now) its simply up to the whims of my diseased brain.
Sometimes I feel extremely sad, guilty, disgusting, worthless. For no reason at all!
At other times I feel sort of like I’m worth something. However, I never feel good or stable, and I never feel a really positive self-image.
I don’t ever feel completely in control of what’s going on inside. That adds to the feeling of desperation as I grasp for something like control over my feelings. But it never comes.
This all contributes to me feeling bad all the time. As well as anhedonia.
It takes a considerable amount of effort to tolerate me. I’m easier to like from a distance.
i’m well liked in real life, maybe my online persona is different but i don’t think so
i’m mostly stable but when i come on here sometimes i tend to wobble a little, maybe its bc i feel like i am not accepted bc of my beliefs and thats why i feel people are against me.
havent seen any reason not to like you crimby
I have low self esteem about everything. I didn’t know how bad it was till I had therapy.
I don’t think people hate me because I always try not to invade their personal space. When someone invades my personal space that’s when I hate them.
Don’t worry about getting flagged. I get them all the time. You’ll get used to it.
I dont care what people think of me. I only care that i know if they like me or not. Thats for self protection. If they dont like me there is something wrong with them. In that case i must be careful…they could harm me.
Two years ago, I was so paranoid that I thought the whole world hated me. I really did think that was the truth. I didn’t hate myself though. I thought that I was very loveable. So, my self esteem wasn’t low. I was just paranoid. Today though, I believe everyone who lives here at my apartment complex likes me even if they don’t love me. They tolerate me at least.
Yes, they are two different things. You can love yourself but still think others hate you. I was like that for years and years. And that is paranoia.
In some regards quite well but in the dungeons of depression I’ve massed erased phone contacts several times this year.
One of the best gifts my 30th birthday gave me was the ability to not give a damn what anyone thinks of me. You can take me or leave me. I don’t care.
I have problems with low self esteem and paranoia. I think the world hates me and some people can read my thoughts.
I spent to much of my life worrying about if people like me. I am working hard everyday to not give a ■■■■. I finally realize people are people and they are going to feel how ever they want to feel about me. Another thing my mothee taught me you will drive your self crazy trying to please everyone so dont please you. Cause at the end of the day they dont care and they are not worried or thinking about you.
I think people tolerate me more than anything. But I also know there are many people that absolutely can not stand me.
I try to be a good person but. I feel I fall short though.
My self esteem is definitely lacking. I’ve been trying to improve but I still struggle. Everything from body image to who I am as a person, I find hard to love.
My alters help me out though
I am disliked, a few of my alters are liked way more than I am.
So I guess we are liked as a group I am not as a single being or person.
Makes me naturally unlikeable.
yoh mine is bad. i hate me