My older brother has become homeless after paranoid schizophrenia relapse. He won’t seek help and is really distrusting at the moment. What can I say/do to help him?! (Currently just meeting to help him with food)
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Hey Mat, sorry to hear about your brother. You’ll definitely have better luck with answers on the family forum here.
You might have to register again there though.
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Thank you everhopeful
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What may I ask are you everhopeful for? a nice outlook though
Thanks for asking. It varies! When I signed up, I was just hopeful that I’d get stable. Now that I’m stable, I’m hopeful that I can get a social life.
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Happy for you that you got stable. A social life is a nice thing to have, do you mean feeling confident etc out with friends kind of thing?
Something like that. But it’s in the future, because at the moment I don’t have much of a desire to socialize beyond immediate family.
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Oh okay, sounds like a cool place to start
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I have been homeless twice, and my family lost me so they put out a missing person’s on a list. I am by the way a paranoid schizophrenic. It’s hard because my mind was determined and no one could talk me out of it. I had to come to the conclusion on my own. It took several tries the 2nd time (7), and after I had been thrown off of the businesses properties, I finally concluded that I had no where else to go. A blessing in disguise. I would try to figure out what it is that he wants. Or what is it that he’s running from even if it’s a delusion or paranoid thought or feeling. Communication and trust are two very important elements. Just sharing my experience because I know I put my family through a very rough time.
Hi @blessed1 thanks for sharing that and I’m glad that (by the sounds of it) you’re no longer homeless. I think he feels that somebody is after him but he doesn’t trust me to take my advice and seek accommodation. What words or actions might have helped you to come to the conclusion that you made, perhaps a little quicker, if you don’t mind me asking?
I was homeless, and after a few months on the streets, I finally decided I wanted to seek help. The best thing my sister did throughout this time was just be a willing listener during the rare times I wanted to talk.
There is something freeing about being homeless, because you have literally no responsibilities. At the time, it was all I could handle. I could drink as much as I wanted, and go where I pleased, and nobody expected anything of me. But it also comes with the terrible feeling of feeling like you aren’t actually wanted anywhere, and like you have nowhere to go.
For me, homelessness was the best thing that could have happened, because until I hit that extreme low, I thought I had nothing worth living for. Once I met other people who had comparable situations to mine, I began to realize that maybe I wasn’t so far gone I couldn’t be redeemed. I also saw just how bad life could get, and came to the conclusion that I wanted to try for more.
If he’s still coming to you, even just for food, there’s still hope. Just keep communication lines open with him for now. If you live up north, then, like me, he’ll eventually need a warm place to stay, and that will be when he’s the most accepting of help. If you’re down south, he might be able to survive longer on his own, but just knowing that you haven’t turned your back on him can help him a lot.
Hi cj9556 thank you so much for sharing that with me, you’ve really helped me to see things from a different perspective and I’m happy that you were able to get off the streets and to move on in your life as you did.
Yes trying to keep the communication lines open. Also, I’m helping with money for food, I am worried that this could be reinforcing his homelessness, as he’ll have little desire to leave the streets?? Or have I got that wrong.
All you’re doing right now is helping him stay alive. That’s priority number one for now. Everything else will have to be secondary to that. I had a few people who tried to show me “tough love” and my relationships with those people are very strained. They saw me in crisis and just ignored me until I started behaving in the way they thought I should. The only reason I speak to them at all is because it makes my sister’s life easier. She is the one I have a real connection to and she is the one who finally convinced me to go to the hospital. Love and patience wins people over more often than abandoning them until they act appropriately. Well, that’s how it was for me, anyways.
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Also, being homeless and schizophrenic is shitty enough on its own. Trust me, he is already having a pretty miserable time. And yes, he might use your money for alcohol or drugs, but if he does, know that he is just trying to self-medicate. Before medication, alcohol was the only thing that made me feel like an actual human being for a few hours. If I wasn’t drunk back then, I would have probably tried to kill myself. Granted, at the time, I thought I was a demon who was draining the life force out of everyone I loved. Individual experiences may vary.
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That was rather humbling. That must’ve been difficult to think those things about yourself but nice that you had somebody to connect to eventually. I appreciate your insight and I’m grateful cj9556, I’ve taken it all on board. Thanks for disregarding tough love for me.
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Mat, looks like you are getting nice feedback. I just realized when I was homeless (2014) that I didn’t have anywhere to turn. May I suggest some lines of communication you could use. Tell him you are on his side first and foremost, keep reiterating that. If someone is following him, tell him you will hire detectives to figure out who it is, and that you will pay to have the person (s) gone. If it’s drugs and alcohol, tell him you’ll supply him with all he needs if he would just come back home, and get on medication. I am suggesting to lure him with lies. He’s so jazzed that he won’t be able to remember once he gets on medication. I will say this, once they got me home from being homeless in 2014, I lived in a nursing home lock down so that I couldn’t escape for 4 months, then 3 months at a more lenient nursing home. As time passed, I got to feeling a whole lot better and stayed safe. Normally, I don’t like lying, but your in crisis mode right now, and you HAVE to get his trust. Even offer to stay on the streets with him, see what he does or says. He may just need to know in his own way that you care. It’s hard. I agree with not conforming to tough love. My family tried to threaten me, and I just held my ground even tighter. I don’t know if this helps, but you have to cozy up to him on something that will include both of you. I feel like I didn’t help, if I think of anything else, I’ll let you know.
That’s great help, thank you. I understand. Your ideas seem so obvious and I can see how tough love doesn’t help. Thanks again, for helping my bro
OH and Mat, my family tried Guardianship with me twice. Both times failed, but you might want to consider that as well, that’s how they put me in a nursing home to stabilize me. I had a lawyer both times, long story, but it all worked out they were just trying to protect me and them. We are all doing great right now, so it can happen.
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Hi, I was reading this conversation and just wanted to point out, just make sure you’re not “pushing him” into anything. Meaning remain calm, if you or others around you are overly emotional he may take the message in the wrong way and feel like he is being attacked which will push him away even further.
I agree with @blessed1 just tell him anything you think will get him to live with you. I know I haven’t been homeless before, but I can imagine it’s not easy. However at the moment he may feel safer there because he may feel threatened or that he’s letting people down because of his illness. I get that way, like I’m a worthless person because of Schizo-affective disorder.
Sometimes I feel like I should be doing more like my best friend who works full time, takes care of her mom, aunt, and grandma, and 10 year old son by herself, my brother and his girlfriend who both work full time and can support themselves financially…and here I am sitting at home trying not to listen to the voices in my head telling me I’m fat, lazy, worthless, lame, and stupid. He may be finding the streets less daunting if he gets that feeling when around other family members and loved ones. It’s important that he understand it’s not true, but must feel like he’s being told in away that’s not chastising him for feeling that way. If that makes any since.
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I will agree that while lies and coercion aren’t the best tactics, they can be useful. Dont try to say anything that will feed into his paranoia though. It’s fine to say you will coat his room in tin foil and cover all the windows if it makes him feel safer to come home. Stay away from offering to track down his pursuers or helping him go further underground.
When I told my sister about how I was a life-sucking demon, she told me there was nothing I could take from her because she had no soul to steal. That made me feel safe to be around her. I liked that she didn’t try to convince me I was crazy or wrong. She just accepted that that’s what I thought.
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