Please help me to understand if this is a hard symptom?

In the evenings I cant stop thinking how the others function without worries and how I am gonna to do it in life in general. I just ask myself those questions without relief… Is it a bad sign? I am worried that I became quite dumb cause I have no other thoughts in those moments… Is this some kind of confused thinking? Its like I am in some kind of inner conflict too between the good and the bad in me…
who was in this state? does it get better on meds? Once you have sz like mine does it mean that we have a disturbed thinking which is hard to heal or what please? are this an intrusive thoughts?
I am very worried now that I have this kind of thinking, idk…

I think I made a mistake to lower my Depakote. can I feel so ■■■■■■ up from the lowering dosage?
I wasn’t very fine even on the old dosage but at least I was calmer. Unhappy but calmer…
can somebody see my state now in the evnings? sorry that I am so annoying but I am really alone. Even my doc doesn’t seem interested to help me. she is always very calm with me etc etc. Not quite effective I find but whatever… She only says that I need to socialize more, yeah…everybody will see that I am crazy if I go out…

I’m sorry you’re going through this kind of thinking. I struggle with this also, especially this time of year. I feel so strange and it leaves me vulnerable to the scrutiny of others. I worry so much about my personality, I get weird traits I think - just trying to get through things with all the thoughts in my head, even voices and I’m sure I come off like I’m drunk or on drugs. What am I supposed to say “don’t mind my weird personality I am mentally ill and more interested in the conversations in my head than the one I’m having with you”

yeah, its the same here… I have bad thoughts toward others too so its not nice. Me too i dont see how i can say to others ‘‘dont care, i am mentally ill’’… In fact, i told it to a lot of people in the past but i was just dumber than…

Why does anything happen to anyone? Some people get cancer, or lose their families. It’s bad, but it just is.

If I have a weird affect I just tell people don’t mind me, I have a brain injury, which in fact isn’t far from the truth.

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i am ashamed by my mean behavior twinkle… plus, i almost cant talk, whats the point to see other people?should i show myself mean as i am?

No, don’t be mean. Try to work on your self control, or empathy. You don’t necessarily have to talk. How are you with people watching? Can you drink a cup of coffee on the bench at the park and watch kids swinging?

i am anxious for things like that. I become breathless so its hard to just sit on a bench like this. i am also afraid that others will think that i am a pedophile. guys, i am not pedophile! Really! but i have this fear lol…

but it will give me pleasure yes. but i hate my breathlessness.

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Well, maybe that’s not the right thing for you then, but there will be something. Probably not something that is 100% comfortable. So you’ll have to deal with being uncomfortable for awhile. Just something below panic attack level.

what do you think on my obsessive thinking in the evenings? is it the illness? or its the isolation from the years? can an ad help me on this or some other med?

Maybe an AD can help, there are meds for obsessive compulsive disorder.

Prozac helped me at one time. But I also undertook a desensitization program. So it wasn’t the med by itself.

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i am closed in my head, do you imagine my state twinkle? too much dumb and anxious thinking? is it a bad state this?ill continue fighting ok.