Peer Support Specialist

After 8 years of going to a county support organization where I receive therapy, group therapy and a psychiatrist, I just started meeting with a peer support specialist from the organization today. It was pretty cool. We met at a park and talked for about 1 1/2 hours. I am going through a lot right now and I am really appreciative over the organization for getting me in touch with the specialist. I didn’t talk too much, but I am really glad there is somebody else there for me. My doc said I am suffering big time from delusions and also I can’t stop thinking of suicide. I was diagnosed in 2001 with paranoid schizophrenia and I keep trying to do my best. I take meds, go to group, to one-on-one therapy, to a psychiatrist and now to a peer support specialist. Tonight, I can’t seem to get things out of my mind. To be honest, nothing seems real anymore. I don’t know if what I’ve seen was real or a dream or a dream or if it was real. I live with my three kids (20, 17 and 14) and my ex-wife left us. I’m just having a hard time right now. My doc prescribed another med for me, but it is too expensive with the fact that I don’t know if it will work or not. Please don’t judge me too hard. I’m just looking to vent. I don’t know who else to. My ex-wife is taking about getting me put back in the hospital, my daughter said tonight I am totally paranoid and the list goes on. Thank you for reading.

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You’re in a tough situation that’s probably causing you stress. And stress makes our symptoms worse. I will suggest something that seems very incongruous to your situation, but I’ll say it anyway. Are you doing anything for entertainment or for fun? Doing something for fun can be vital in our recovery regardless of how messed up our lives our. Doing something fun is very important for “normal” people and people with any mental illness. It’s very therapeutic. I’ve had several therapists who strongly recommend that people with schizophrenia do something for fun like a movie, a concert, an outing to a park, a meal at a restaurant.

Heck, when I was psychotic for two years straight I was still going out to eat or to clubs. When I was locked up in a psychiatric hospital for 8 months I used to get weekend passes to visit my parents and sisters and they would take me out to eat or to a play or other entertainment. It’s also important to get out to keep some kind of normalcy in your life and to make you feel like you’re still part of society. I’m sorry I’m focusing on only one part of recovery when you have so many other problems. But it needs to be said.

I am not judging you about anything. I am single and have no kids but I can imagine how hard it is to raise kids when you have this disease. I don’t think anybody else on here is judging you either. We are a very accepting, tolerant, helpful, understanding, supportive group on these forums.

Are you aware that if you contact some pharmasuetical companies directly that they sometimes offer discounts on their medications to people who are struggling financially?

You may be going through hard times but it sounds like you are doing a lot of things right, like seeing a psychiatrist, group therapy etc. Yeah, you’re under a lot of stress, it’s good that you are reaching out. I went through a phase where nothing seemed real, in fact I still fade in and out of reality when I’m talking to people sometimes and I know how disconcerting that can be. Just keep taking your meds and getting help from all those people. You’re doing all the right things. I wish you good luck.

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Fun can be tremendous help. Having someone there to help you do something that is purely meant to be a cool outing would be great. You seem to like the peer specialist. The best thing they can offer at this point may very well be being an activity buddy. Having someone who can facilitate an activity while not focusing on anything related to schizophrenia would be great. Just go do something as friends. If you should begin to experience bad symptoms you are with someone who should be able to help you through the rest of the outing.

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**Hi @zak~
Glad you are getting some help.
Don`t know if you need to check into the hospital–or get a med adjustment.
No judgements here! This is the place to come and vent! **

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I’m guessing that was (in the long run, at least) a good thing. (I just love it when the person who wanted kids bails and leaves them with a person suffering like this.)

Okay! Here we go: DBT is the HMO/PPO gold standard psychotherapy for suicidal depression and has been for at least a decade (closer to two, probably). It’s increasingly widely available, and expert providers can be located via the first website linked first below. The second one goes to a self-help website that will provide you with Really Useful info you can start using to build some distress tolerance and emotion regulation. The third leads to a workbook you can buy cheap on amazon.com. The stuff is The Bomb.

http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

If you need help finding a DBT therapist, reply to this post, and tell me where you live.

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Thanks Nick. I really appreciate your post.

I just don’t know what is wrong with me now. I’ve been hospitalized 6 times since 2001. The last time was in Oct of 2014. Things are totally out of wack now. Worse then before. Nothing seems real anymore. I mean, I sit in front of the laptop and I don’t believe that there are microwaves going through the air transporting my posts online to another person. I can’t for the life of me understand how this is possible. Suddenly, the news doesn’t sound real anymore. I don’t understand how there is so much conflict and why those in charge let it happen. I was really upset that sites like Google store your information, as well as Twitter. Now I don’t care. I’m waiting for the powers that be to come to my home. As I write this, I looked at my TV screen and I do not understand how it was possible for pictures to come through and people talk. I don’t get it. It makes me sick to my stomach the more I think about things like this. I’ve also been getting angry towards people, including my kids. I’m normally not like that. I’m really a easy going-seculded type of person. I just think so many things are against me and I can’t get out. I went to get the mail today at the mailbox in the neighborhood group of mailboxes and I couldn’t figure out which one was mine to put my key into to open it. I figured it out and got my mail and I can’t understand how a person knows to put mail in my mailbox or how the sender sent it. My mind is going nuts right now. Nothing seems real. I even noticed that I am using words that I haven’t used in years. I mean, intelligent vocabulary or types of sayings. I’m so scared right now. The world has totally changed in my view. Sorry, I don’t mean to ramble on.

Thanks, I appreciate you comment.

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I don’t know if this will help, but it worked for me.

Everything you listed above as thoughts/confusion/delusions are things that are so hard to prove or disprove. Delusions in general are the hardest when they aren’t simply some blatant paranoid type thing that can somehow be rationalized. Thinking is hugely painful for me. You could spin a legitimate philosophical argument out of any one of the things listed above. The point is, it’s so hard to break away from the pain when there is a need or curiosity to think about things you can never get answers to. Distraction is one key thing for me. It’s a short term solution though. The answer for me wasn’t getting answers to all the questions or debates I came up with, it was accepting they were there and that my curiosities were all valid. The answer was finding some sort of place where I could take that intense level of thinking and channel it into something productive. For me this came in the form of art. The only way I was able to break away from the serious thought spinning ■■■■ was to be able to distract myself with an external stimulus and channel the way I obsessed over things I could never have answered into a physical piece that used a similar thought process. It’s not that I don’t care about the thoughts or questions anymore, it’s that I know it’s painful to have to be in a spot where I give in. I feel my brain spinning and it physically hurts. I’m not saying I have a magical solution for you, but it may very well help to know that you can validate a lot of your experience. If you can find a sense of ownership over the thoughts and take power and tell them you acknowledge them and know they too are valid but that you can’t keep spinning. I am completely aware that this is easier said than done. I know the hold this sort of thing has over us and how it isn’t simple to dispel this ■■■■. So often we are left alone with our thoughts and told point blank they are crazy. Like its black and white. That doesn’t help us. Are you able to focus any tiny amount of energy into something you can use to distract yourself? If you can find some sort of worth and excitement in an activity that distracts you for a period of time, I would consider that a monumental first step. From there you can gain momentum and be without the thoughts for longer periods as everything else gets sorted out. For me a huge battle was fighting the idea that I was not ok to have the thoughts. Its not the end solution but for me it was a key step.

I think about suicide alot to.

If the shock from the belt around my neck hadn’t been so great i wouldn’t be here right now, hanging is really painful. Ill get there though im sure, i can do it!

And i tried just not eating and drinking to but that got really painful as well, strange things started coming up.

Suicide is really tough. I might go out hunting an o.d. of heroin though, thats simple enough, just pass out. I keep thinking of that morphine injection in saving private ryan to, that stuff looks awesome.

I understand what you are saying about thoughts and such. What is weird is that I totally understood them before and now out of no where things have changed. I drive down the road and wonder who had put the stop sign there or the light. Is it real? Should I have stopped? Who is controlling the lights? Who put the stop sign there. Where are the cops watching me? Is there a sensor under the road that marks my every move? Who decided red, yellow and green? Why can’t they be different? Who says that is what we have to believe? You see, it just goes on and on. Even my dreams are wacked out. I dreamed last night about a dog who had “70” puppies. They were all lined up in rows Sitting like soldiers. Waiting to feed. I mean, seriously? This kinda crap happens to me when I am awake or asleep. I’m just really scared.

I’ve never done drugs. I can’t imagine how it would make me fell.

Relax, you’re over-thinking everything. You’re being too analytical. Our brains play tricks on us, talk it over with your support team. I know people get mad when someone tells them to just “snap out of it”. I’m not saying to just “snap out of it”, I am just pointing out the obvious. You’re a bit paranoid. So am I. I overthink things too. We just have to deal with it and work on it. It won’t go away in a day, it takes lots hard work and getting help from whoever you can. Your kids are old enough to help out. Kids are smart, even at age 14. You need something to distract you in a good way to get your mind off of your delusions. I find that when I’m at work, that a lot of my symptoms lessen because I’m concentrating on doing my work and not sitting around ruminating over and over about all the same things. Anyway, I wish you good luck.

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DON’T START. Drugs are bad news. They will wreck you’re life without you being aware of it at first. So they make you feel good. So what? It’s not worth it, there are other, better ways to feel good besides drugs. I can tell you from bitter experience drugs will ruin your life and probably your kids too.

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I know I over think things. But it is different now. It is not like before when it was a curious thought. I can’t explain it. It borders on that nothing can be real. It is fake. Somebody or group is controlling everything. I mean, I just looked at my fish tank and I can’t for the life of me understand why the fish are stagnant and breathing…how can they just stay still without moving? How can they breathe? Do they have a brain that is bored and wants out of the tank? I’ve never over-thought things like this before. I’ve had my other delusions and such, but this affects me while I walk, drive and just sit still watching. I have to admit that I am very scared. 2+2 doesn’t equal 4 anymore, if you know what I mean. What the heck is wrong with me? Ugh!

You are suffering from schizophrenia. Our delusions sometimes take us on fantastical tangents. Like I said before, you are doing a lot of things right but a lot of us go through periods where delusions overwhelm us and take control of us. We just have muddle through them and do the best we can.

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What is this peer support specialist. Is he/she part of the hospital.

Note: is he a medical person? Or a therapist? Or a Counsellor? Not trying to cast dispersions,etc , genuinely interested.

From NAMI: Peer support is getting help from someone who has
been there. People with similar experiences may be able to listen, give
hope and guidance toward recovery in a way that is different, and may
be just as valuable, as professional services.

OK but it sounds like many people in your life think you are presently psychotic. is this peer support presently helping? do you have any delusions as a result of it for example.

Last week was my first time meeting with the guy. We talked for about 1 1/2 hours. Most of the time was about his life and what he has gone through. Next meeting will be about me. I don’t think I have any delusions of him.

**Hi @zak!
I can`t remember if you were currently on meds or seeing a doctor.
Please talk to a doctor. You are bound to get irritable due to the kind of stress you are under. Your kids are important to you–take care of yourself so you can take care of them!
Peer support is great, but it sounds like you need to see the doctor also.
Keep us posted! **

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