For the last 2 years, anytime I went outside my house I heard a beeping sound, I was convinced it was a CIA motion tracker targeting me, finally a few months ago I found it it was a loud atm down the street.
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I was 20 years old in a psyche ward. I thought I could help everybody. I thought I had everyone’s problems figured out and I had the solutions.
One day we were having a group with about 5 patients and a couple of nurses. One of the nurses had the worst habit of picking her nose and eating it. I mean right during group. So we were in group and she was really going at it with picking her nose so I thought I would be helpful and I told her, “People would like you better if you didn’t pick your nose and eat it.”
Everybody heard me and everybody froze and stopped talking and you could have heard a pin drop for about 5 seconds. Then people just acted like I hadn’t said anything and pretended like i never said it and just started talking again. It was really awkward at the time but years later I could laugh at it.
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That is so gross. Little kids do that a lot, but for an adult to do it in a social setting beats everything.
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I keep making these elaborate constructs about what is going on around me. At first I was convinced that people had stolen my stimulus money and I wasn’t going to get the $1200.00 I was supposed to get. Subsequent events proved that wrong. Now I’m thinking that they have deliberately given me pneumonia by giving me a med that will trigger that sickness. But I look at my belief about not getting the stimulus money, and then finding out that was a delusion, and I begin to realize that no one would ever give me medication to make me sick. At least I hope they wouldn’t.
The fire alarm in our house it beeps every once in a while. I used to think that when it beeped, it meant ‘correct’ to a thought I ws having at that exact moment. Like the fire alarm was communicating to me. Hehe
That i could somehow get a message to the pope by talking to priests in my town in the middle of no where. I thought the message was so important at the time lol.
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I would see jet airliners flying overhead and I thought the people on the plane could see me on the ground.
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Back in 1999 I had delusions that people communicated to me and analysed me using advanced satellite systems and then years passed and I accepted it was a delusion, nobody has invented that technology yet. Later I thought it was funny.
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None of my delusions have been a source of laughter.
I have one voice that’s pretty funny,
But that aside, it’s all been a shitshow.
Nothing funny about it.
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Same, nothing funny, only dangerous, grandiose and crazy/abnormal delusions.
Had a good bit of hilarious mania, but now I’m just back to my old self, it was almost fun at one point, but still psychotic
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My best one was when I walked into crisis and said I was dead. Not necessarily all that funny but I found it interesting in retrospect.
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None of my delusions have been laughable, only sad or strange.
Like when I thought my left arm didn’t belong to me, but was controlled by the soul of a twin I’d absorbed in the womb
I can laugh about it now but it was freaky as heck when it happened.
My voices were controlling my feet on the gas pedal and brake in the car.
I floored it through a red light intersection when it was busy. Then I was zooming through neighbourhoods driving erratically.
Then it finally stopped and the voices were like “you passed the test”
Then I saw this old big like 40 inch crt TV laying around at the park.
So they said to put it in the back of the truck and that I was now on a driving test where I couldn’t let the TV bang into the truck box. So it was now a delicate driving test…
■■■■ I was a nut bar. There was soooo many other things I did.
I don’t know if those are classified as delusions or if me hallucinating the command voices were the delusional component.
I drove for half a minute with closed eyes, suicide attempt. I swallowed a whole Tylenol bottle and ended up intoxicated and vomiting in the emergency, I wanted to die at home but my parents came home and forced me to go to the emergency after seeing me vomitting. I thought a mafia car, it was a black tainted car, infront of my house was there to pick me up. I went outside and the car was empty.
I have some delusions I can laugh about.
There was this cable service that sent someone to try to convince us to buy cable. As soon as he ringed the doorbell I freaked out and ran to my room; I was very paranoid about the outside world, especially when people ringed the doorbell. Once he left the house leaving a paper behind, I grabbed it because I thought that a secret government agency who was following me had been collaborating with this cable service company. Anyway, I spent two hours trying to decode this piece of paper because I thought it had a secret message. I did this quite often actually. Now I can look back and laugh, but at the time it was no joke.
I called the cops many times and told them I am Jesus and that jews are trying to kill me with a radioactive poison. Its the second and last coming of Jesus. I thought I will bring heaven on earth.
I even emailed the FBI many times about this.
I believed that there was a brain cancer in my brain it was dissipating and travelling through a spiritual channel to this guy who is in charge of the universe. We had this channel connection. And he was like yo, your cancer is going to kill us both unless he kills me with an overdose. And of course since he was in charge of the universe I was like ohhhhk kill me then lol
At my first mental hospital stay, I was told by the gods that the grey aliens were preparing a special meeting, they told me to unstack all the stacked chairs in the main open area, I kept yelling at the workers to unstack the chairs that they had just restacked that I had just unstacked. This went on for a while. I had an astral projection. I met Jesus. I was also a ghost and half dead. But it’s funny now that the first thing I do after waking up in a room there, I start unstacking chairs. I can’t imagine working in a mental hospital.
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Once last year I believed the plumber put a camera in our roof when he inspected the geyser and that when he would return he’d collect it and gather the data and come after my husband and I.
Thank God he never returned!
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