Passive suicidal thoughts

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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Let me preface this by saying, I am in the best place I have been in years when it comes to my schizoaffective disorder. I just got out of the hospital with a med that actually seems to be working (minus some “up” effects).

Last night, I had a visual hallucination that knocked me on my ***. It frightened me and with all the things going on in my life, but especially my disorder, I just feel this overwhelming sensation that things would be better if I didn’t wake up. No suicidal thoughts beside that, and no plans.

Um, help?

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I’m passively suicidal. I had no real plans after high school graduation and I think I went to college to die. No aggressive behavior, I just thought I’d die of personal sadness. It didn’t happen. So here I am, 50 years later and still aware that I only want to die.

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Did it develop suddenly? I’ve never really felt this way before. I’m sorry you’ve felt that way for so long…

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Thats how i use to feel when i first started my AP im on now. U think it could be a side effect of the med?

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Man, that is devastating. I hope all that sadness gets washed away-- positive vibes coming your way @PinCushion!

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Maybe. But I’ve been on it for awhile.

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What did you see in your visual hallucination?

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I think it started because I wasn’t interested in my mother.

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An animalistic demon. It raced forward as if to attack me and disappeared. Shook me up.

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Oh, I see. I’m very sorry.

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Please see your doctor and let them know! I was doing fine and for no reason at all I was suddenly suicidal and my world had become dark for no reason. A dirt-cheap Wellbutrin prescription not only fixed that, but also helped bump up my energy levels. This is a very workable problem, so please get some help!

Hope you’ll let us know how it worked out?

:heart:

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Just a quick check-in on this.

I did tell my doc and they adjusted meds. They disappeared. :slight_smile:

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why not try interact with the visual hallucinations … like touch them, or try strangle them… watever u fancy. Use to fight with mine all the time back in the days, but then I’d wake up and realize it was just a dream :rofl::rofl::rofl:

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I actually do, when I am brave and apt enough, try to envision a heavenly sword and shield and it usually keeps me stable until they dissipate.

I would be much too afraid to touch them with my bare hands. I’m still not fully convinced they aren’t demons.

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I mean like physical fight , like grab them or try tackle them… easiest way to acknowledge it’s a dream… if you run from them, you just wake up thiinking its real

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That would take a lot of gumption on my part. In the moment, I’m paralyzed with fear. But I get what you’re saying. I’ll see if I can prep myself into triggering a physical reaction instead of a metaphorical one.

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to me, most time my visual hallucinations are just dreams I didn’t want to confront, so I when am normal and alert, I believe it actually happened, but when I confront then in their reality… it’s like wat was i tripping for?

@ASHEDEER touche… next time u have a visual hallucinations, just throw a punch directly at it, then tell me how it goes… ps, if it fights back, hit it again

got a chat limitation on my account-can’t send more replys/. looking forward to hearing how it goes :smile:

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That’s where the discrepancy is. There’s a part of me that doubts these are dreams. :frowning: But as I sit here now, I realize how…bizarre that belief is.

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