Part of me accepts the SZ diagnosis, but probably I'm deluded

Hmmmm interesting

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Interesting that there are materialists with a philosophical background. :slight_smile:

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Materialism is practically the default position.

It has always been underrepresented in favor of idealism-like ideas.

The results of your poll on the forum a month ago was 74%.

True, but the sample was smaller than on my last poll :slight_smile:

You are fumbling around in the dark. Go get the help you need and get on with your life. Make it matter for something. Try to overcome this obsession. You will never be satisfied with any of the answers you come up with until you do.

You mean my obsession with the diagnosis, or my other equally crippling existential obsessions? If the former, I guess I need to know whether my obsessions are just that, and not part of a psychotic disorder, which is unlikely because I was diagnosed with OCD -a diagnosis Iā€™ve never disputed- decades ago, and suffered my first serious existential crisis at 12. Do you believe I should overcome this obsession precisely because it is an obsession, or because I have no grounds for doubting my diagnosis? Do you believe Iā€™m psychotic? (If so thatā€™s fine, Iā€™m used to other people thinking I am).

I was seeing until recently a very good psychologist, but she went on maternity leave and itā€™s unlikely Iā€™ll be able to get another therapist, so Iā€™m stuck with my psychiatrist whose understandable fixation is with meds. About getting on with my life thatā€™s more complicated. Iā€™m not really fit to work (which as you know I donā€™t really mind), the prospect of a PhD that seemed so certain 2 years ago is gone, my family life has been disrupted by my separation from my wife, but I retain a good network of friends. Iā€™ve become unable and also unwilling to plan for the future, the only thing that could save me is going back to writing, but Iā€™m not ready yet.

PS. My ā€˜saneā€™ side suspects that the SZ diagnosis might be accurate, but that recently my OCD has made a comeback and adopted the same themes as my so-called delusions. I believe less strongly in solipsism now, for instance, but the intensity of my obsessive doubts about the shared world have increased. Sorry for the lengthy reply.

Both, actually. Arenā€™t they connected? Iā€™m sorry youā€™re not able to get therapy right now. I really think you need help to move past this.

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Partly the problem is that Iā€™m suffering from acute DP and DR, which is what probably made me sound delusional at times. It is this DP/DR thatā€™s feeding my existential obsessions, trying to make sense of why other people donā€™t feel real. But how I can move on if I truly believe that Iā€™ve been misdiagnosed? I feel trapped.

I think you need to find someone who can diagnose you properly and treat you accordingly, so that you can stop obsessing over it and stop trying to figure it out on your own.

Iā€™m confused, you mean someone other than my doctors? Other doctors? Do you actually share some of my misgivings about the diagnosis? (Apologies for the insistence, I wonā€™t be asking any more questions).

No, I mean your doctors and therapists. I donā€™t know whether your diagnosis is correct or not.

Can you describe how depersonalisation feels for you?
Just curious Iā€™ve felt that Iā€™ve had this for a long time but not really sure if itā€™s depersonalisation

This comes close enough.

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