Paranoia and a new "guest"

Less than a week ago, I awoke from a five hour nap. My boyfriend had bought me a kit kat bar and a fountain pop. As I ate the candy and drank the pop, I remember thinking it tasted strange, and the thought, which quickly turned to belief, quickly invaded my head that he must’ve done something to my food and drink. I threw them out but never confronted him. I ended up falling asleep sitting up on the couch and when I woke up again, the fear was gone.

Two days ago, I heard a new voice to join the dozens that already inhabit my head. She calls herself, and insists that I call her, Mama. She is an authoritarian, borderline abusive older woman who dictates what I eat and how I speak. Her goal seems to be to make me into her own version of a lady. She is very influential, and when I hear her voice, I am compelled to modify my behavior to appease her.

I know this must mean I’m getting worse. I just wonder why now.

-catchme

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Interestingggg… However, I do have a similar voice/inhabitant… She calls herself “Ferra”. No clue who thought of the name, whether it were her, or my own self.

I’m sorry that you have a new voice, but it has nothing to do with the candy bar that you ate.

I would contact your doctor.

Hope that you start feeling better soon @catchme

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Did you have any input to Mama, or do you recognise bits of yourself in her? Do you believe she is part of you?

Mine calls itself satan.

And refers to itself as “us” quite a bit.

“You still call yourself that?” i ask.

“Yep, standing by that one, i’m satan.” It says. “You can call me ka to though, or ra, or any of the other stupid names i am called by. Whatever i don’t care what you call me. Some call me pan to.”

It’s cool though because i know it’s not satan or demons and i’m just sick and stuff. Nothing to see here, just sick, yeah.

You also refuse any kind of help and seem to enjoy that sorrowful, avoidant mindset.
Yeah, I sound harsh but you don’t care anyways.

I don’t refuse help, i went for help, the help hurt me alot.

I don’t enjoy it yo, it’s just there now.

You? Harsh? No, not sarad!

I have three voices, but one has a name of the devil. He sends rats to bite me.

To whom are you speaking?

I think if I had one wish it would be to not be afraid anymore. I’m afraid all the time.

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I was speaking to pansdisease.

I’m sorry you have a new voice. Hopefully you can sort things out with him/her. Just remember you can question anything to come up with a more accurate reality.