That I do not seem to be present. And that I do not like my body to be uncomfortable. They say this is obvious. I’m concluding that I am capable and do position my body in normal ways when in public or on high alert. However day to day or when with family or nurses, though appearing different for each type of person/every person, I seem very blunted usually.
I know if I were to record myself for a week, I would be fairly close to the truth.
It is very much like I’m asleep.
I have no idea how I appear to other users of this forum though. It may or may not be an accurate image of who I am in real life -I’m not sure…being semi-anonymous online does drastically change some people.
Idk…I really hope I ‘wake up’ soon. My OT just does ball exercises and different hand/body positions/exercises to try and wake me up. She even made me wear a weighted blanket.
I feel like a fool and a freak. I wish I could choose to have not existed, because this existence is just an embarrassment. Even I can see like others see. I can see what a fool I am. I’m sorry to everyone I’ve been an idiot to on here.
It doesn’t matter. Unfortunately I am too stupid to originally and independently create my person and define myself.
Sorry.
I’m taking a break from this forum and from people for a while. I need to practice thinking…pathetic I know. ■■■■. Alright, wish me luck in being better. Peace.