One pdoc told me once a strange thing, idk what it means

Ok, one last thread, but i just wonder here…
One pdoc told me once, that the schizophrenics dont suffer as me… That they dont have this kind of suffering… what the heck does this mean? :thinking:
Oh yeah, i wasnt feeling even human at one point, i wasnt even talking, i was surprised that the others keep talking to me even, cause i was feeling unworthy and i was even blaming myself to be alive…
But what do i have now then if its not a typical sz? Just an existential pain to live maybe? :thinking:
Maybe i was inspiring just the death, when you were seeing me… i feel alone though with that…
Or maybe i really had quite a terrible family situation , which the others cant even imagine… maybe a psycho dad too…
This same pdoc said to me also, that they gave me too many meds, so i stopped experimenting since some years… i did them all, for real… i believed in the psychiatry for me before, but my ex pdoc didnt take me out of my suffering no… she even didnt take me out of my house…
I’ll fight though, but its scary to learn to count on myself, while i feel fragile… i am just a girl, who lived with a father, who thought, that the dancing is a sluttt thing lol…
But what kind of suffering i have now then if its not a sz one lol? Sorry if i sound terrible… i wonder if some people on the earth felt like me too :expressionless: even feeling guilty to be alive yeah…
One friend of mine told me, that i am the slave of my vices, tbh, i have them yeap… maybe this is my bpd part or just my bad character from what i knew…
But i really was in hell for the last years, even my pdoc said, that i live in hell not on earth…
Tbh, i progressed now a bit around my efforts to acknowledge finally better the world, i try to move more too, so i am changing, i hope… :roll_eyes: but yeah, i was so alone, that its unimaginable, its sad… :sweat:

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No one?
I am given up almost again now… :pensive:
I saw an episode of “dopesick”… one girl died from heroin, after being hooked up on oxycontin…
I just saw how stable are the normies and i am not sure I’ll do it… i also feel like i cause only suffering to my friends and family… the psychiatry couldnt help me, pals…
If i only suffer, should i kill myself now? I have nothing in life either, which worsens it all… no partner, no job, no going outs, unable to take care of myself… 20 years of isolation too…
Shouldnt this stop? I am getting old and i dont even know if i progress…
Maybe yes though, but i take everything still so deeply… idk…
This pdoc said, that my suffering is not a sz like… idk what is this then…
I dont want to die still though, but if ill end up alone, while being alone all my life too, unable even to sit on a coffee outside, idk if its worth it, thats all…
Ok, its just a given up again, its one of my symptoms since forever… almost every evening, yeap…
Anyway, i shouldnt have done what ive done in the past…should have been treated earlier etc… now, i am worried, plus i still give up as i said it and this is hard…
You pals, try to fight it, i am just a quite severe case lol…

Don’t talk like that. Suicide isn’t the answer and I get suicidal frequently. I am a survivor.

Call the crisis line.

@Ninjastar @Moonbeam

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Ok, thank you :slightly_smiling_face:
You know, i want to live sooo much now in fact, cause i never lived before, i am not so suicidal… i just dont see sometimes an issue from the sz… and i isolate totally because of it, cant solve my daily problems around it…
Anyways, i hate my isolation now, while i cant control still my physical symptoms, the paranoia, i am dumber etc…
I hope you are doing fine :relaxed: you are probably a sensible guy and this is cute lol.
Take care

If you are feeling suicidal or having a mental health crisis, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.

You can also call a crisis intervention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries. You do not need to be actively suicidal to benefit from a crisis hotline.

International crisis hotlines:

Crisis hotlines in the U.S.:

More resources:

You post the same thing over and over and over. People make suggestions, you make excuses about why you can’t try anything, and then nothing changes. It’s been like this for years. I don’t know what else to say to you.

You’re suffering from the effects of isolation for one thing. And who knows all the ways that isolation is affecting you? I am kind of isolating too. I could have made a couple friends but I wanted to be by myself and figure myself out. Then COVID hit and my potential friends went away and I’'m left with doing things by myself. And when I took my last class I spent all my spare time doing homework and not going out and now I feel dull and sluggish, both physically and mentally. I know isolation is bad for us, all the ruminating and overthinking and self centeredness. It gets tiring. I try to get out of the house, away from the sadistic neighbors and get some fresh air and space. I have money; if that helps my mental health somehow, then more power to me.

I don’t have another class until April. Until then, I’m going to try to get out to the two parks and clear my mind and take it easy. Sometimes I like people, sometimes I don’t. But I notice some of my best times involve people. I know what’s good for me and you may know what’s good for you @Anna1. Like I always say, the solution is action. We can sit in our apartments for the rest of our lives trying to figure everything out and try to “think” our way out of our problems. Well, we are not going to think ourselves out of all our problems. But trying something new, and stretching ourselves, and shaking things up is often what helps the most.

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