On life a series of observations

DX'd - Other
21

The certainly don’t have language. It’s a completely different mind. That’s what I based my assumption on. Their thoughts must be based on emotional and sensory potentials as well as environmental mapping. I don’t doubt that they can appreciate beauty I just don’t think they care about death or where they come from. Yes these are assumptions, but they are as good as any because we really can’t know. I’m well aware that I could be wrong. Hopefully that doesn’t break the flow of things to much for you.

You have triggered a valuable frame of thought for me though, do animals think about their impending death?

22

Very nice post Bryan. Made me think!

I don’t know if we’d ever be able to firmly state where do we come from and where do we go to when we die. What are the limits of this space where our universe is…How did it all start…Who started the big bang if it was the result of a big bang? Are we real? Are we living in a delusion or is it a delusion of some other delusion? What’s the purpose of life and why do only we crave to find a purpose? Are we being tested or we just are a small particle of a very big atom?

Sadly, there is no end of the questions and probably there won’t be any. Let’s take it this way Bryan, every answer creates some new questions and as we are curious by nature so we want to find what is truth.
We made progress because we questioned. If we put this in a scenario then some of us questioned. Others listened to it. Some laughed, some thought after laughing, some just didn’t care what’s going on…The ones who thought started observing and shaping their thoughts in a way that they could find the answers…Some of them came up with some answers which they called truth, some came up with different answers which they called their truth…Another round of discussion started…Some listened, some questioned, some laughed others thought and some simply didn’t care…And this is went on!

I guess there is no such thing as a set purpose of life. We find our purpose when we start thinking. For some it’s their work, some find it in their family, some think it’s with an Omnipotent being…Some are those who become purpose for others and hence, they find their purpose in it…It changes with time but for some it’s set for life time. We just live and leave at our time. Some have the urge to make the changes, some just want to live. Some make such choices in life that their purpose start revolving around the outcome of the choices.

We are contented when we find our purpose, I guess. When there is no way of finding a truth then adopt the answers which are rational and renowned according to the time. But don’t limit yourself to any set truth. Keep thinking about your questions and you’ll find the truth or truth will find you one day!

Look forward to know more.

1 Like
23

I try, it’s a back and forth. I just realized the other day though that I’m continuously trying to change things in my experience. I have changed a lot since this onset but it’s really exhausting to constantly struggle with fixing myself. Things are the way they are, I just have to accept it. I just need a break I think, szs a hard battle.

I will get back to trying. That’s probably inevitable.

1 Like
24

Yeah its a marathon , just take your time with it

1 Like
25

I thought I was having a relapse the other day, then I realized that I never really got over the psychosis, managed to suppress it pretty well though. Distract distract distract.

I can’t really handle the real world, it’s almost more frightening. I was a nervous wreck before I started feeling like everyone can see through me. It’s like I can’t go back.

All the fear of wondering what people are thinking. Now I just have this placeholder of “knowing”.

Can’t go back and do things differently. It just is what it is.

26

I hope you are al right man. Calm down. Don’t worry about unknown. What do people think and why do they think that way is their problem. Don’t be scared of the thought.

You can handle the real world. The strength is within you. Have faith in yourself and trust your capabilities. You can do it!!!

Very true…Every new moment is a chance for all of us to make a new past. We cannot change the past that we want to change but we can start making our present and future better. After all this will also become past one day. Bryan, we all make mistakes and we all do things which we later regret…It’s not something uncommon. You know, wise are those who learn from the mistakes.

Smile and hope for a bright future…Work towards it, do your best but don’t be stressed out.

27

You can handle thoughtful posting quite well. These days many jobs are just sending email and writing reports.

I think this place is crazier than the real world.

28

At least there is no telepathy in my dreams anymore. I think that is a good sign. Every day is a new day your right. I’m just falling into a rut. This happens, I stay in it for a while then realize I’m not going to die and somehow pull myself out of it. I do feel cognition coming back to me, I just don’t trust the world with these symptoms. Thanks for the responses.

The boards probably are crazier then the real world, but it’s a craziness I’ve become familiar with.

Well, all the posts I made last night were from a pretty distressed mind set. I just want these voices to go away, or to make peace with them. There is always something responding to my thoughts, one hallucination or the other.

No one understands this illness and it puts me on edge. Meanwhile the symptoms persist and they strengthen my delusions. I try to talk myself out of it, but it doesn’t hold. All I can do is look back and remember how this all unfolded.

I hope your right man, I hope one day this is a thing of the past, but I feel very far from that point.

29

He can handle it and he will succeed. but this is how he feels about it.

I can feel like that as well a lot. There’s so many times Where quitting feels like the best option.

This illness wears us the ■■■■ down over and over again.

I think only if one experiences schizophrenia then they understand it’s pains

30

I have to ignore so much stuff now if I want to be happy.

31

So I’ve established it’s important to come to terms with not knowing things and being comfortable. I really feel it’s the best approach to life, just taking the experience as it is. It’s okay to be curious, in fact I’d encourage that too. For me personally though I have had to accept that there are things I’ll never understand. Sz is one of those things. Before I had this illness I had the arrogant confidence of thinking I could wrap my head around anything that existed, and for the most part I can. Some higher level math stuff is still really difficult and complex and there are some things about linguistics that trip me up. Things I could study and familiarize myself with, but haven’t really felt up the challenge of doing that since the onset. Anyways I’m getting side tracked.

I really want to capture the mystery of life for myself and others. The feeling of imagining the beginning and the end in all those ancient settings.

How many people have worked hard everyday to live and eventually had their lives ended abruptly by the sword or bullets. I mean they were really trying to live and all that effort was for whatever they might have died for. If they died for anything. They could’ve been a victim of merciless slaughter. A real tragedy.

We’re all born to this and all this chaos is going on. We should be afraid at all times, but instead we find beauty and happiness.

It’s really quite impressive how humans work, regardless of where they came from.

For the last week I felt like I was on a downward spiral into delusion, full blown psychosis, non stop voices. I had the fear. Yet after being awake for a couple hours of processing I found the strength to face the world as I experience it. And it’s gone pretty well.

I had a moment of feeling strong and capable, I was reflecting on how I go through this every day and somehow always manage to pull through. Reminded me of my life before sz where I was working 60 hour weeks and loving it.

It’s weird to finally have traces of clarity in the storm. Somehow I’m still recovering and learning to manage this mess of ■■■■ that happens in my mind.

Learning to not think about certain things was key, and I’m finally getting to the point where my thoughts are outside the obsessive realm of psychotic delusion. I learned to my feel guilty and allow myself to forget the mental tendencies I have. It’s helped a lot, it breaks the cycle.

Well that’s all for now. Thanks for reading.

2 Likes
32

This kinda true. I basically chose to put my head in the sand towards “spirituality” or whatever. I closed those areas off for my own sanity. I’d rather not know I’d rather just enjoy my life here on earth

I actually tested myself recently with the voices.
I just gave myself the question : “what would happen if I still believed god could talk to me?”

And in 5 seconds I feel a sensation in my head and I hear “baboom were baaack. Now go to your door and just look at it”

So I go look at it then they say “look at it, the fibers you see it? That’s the strength, it is the Inner strength . Same that is instilled in you”

Then I just stopped it cuz I know it isn’t real.
That’s how easy it is for me to bring them back.

They just lie there dormant basically. Because I figured them out and made peace with them.

It would be the same if I asked if an alien could communicate with me , it’s all the same

1 Like
33

I still have a lingering delusion that I’m accessing some sort of inner subconscious genius. But it’s of crap

My dad helped me rationalise it after several times i mentioned what had come up.
Basically it’s something I’ve already read about or learned over the previous weeks or months, then it gets relayed to me in voice form mixed with a bunch of other random garble.

That makes the most sense to me

1 Like
34

I to believe the subconscious is genius, but not in any practical way. It’s what creates our dreams. But yeah you really don’t want it interfering with your conscious runtime. You’ll turn into a pans or Daimon. Susceptible to thinking people are controlling you and stuff. You seem to be headed in the right direction anyways. Today has been a completely different experience then the last couple days. Kind of a hybrid between good and bad somewhere. Symptoms but I’m in control. This disease can be a roller coaster.

1 Like