I am spending all the time at Bf’s place. Also, trying to avoid most of phone calls from my family. But, I feel like I owe my parents atleast spending some time on Christmas.
Last time was on Monday when I came home to parents place take some stuff and father drove me to work. But it was the only time in like 2 weeks. And I spent here mostly like ~ two hours.
Mother and brother said I am making conflicts for no reason on that Monday (I just said that my brother destroyed important years in my life, which is true)
Okay. What I want to say is… they’re not very nice or sweet people. My mother and brother are especially manipulative and sometimes even very cruel in words. They use lots of emotional abuse and my brother truly wants to harm me, or atleast wanted.
Though I feel like I am owing something to my parents. They were giving me a roof over my head, food, clothes, sometimes we had these sweet family moments… but my family has some secrets - as I am still no sure who my real father is. And there is a possibility I was born only because they’re getting, I mean my parents are getting not small amount of money from my godfather (which is possibly my real father). This idea hurts me, because it explains why I am perceived more as an object rather human in my home.
Sadly, I don’t know what to do. My parents consume TOO MUCH of alcohol every evening, my brother is an absolute drug addict, and I truly believe there’s no such thing as honest love in my home. Physical abuse I got as a child and teen is not easy to forget.
But my mind always plays tricks on me, and I still feel like I need to forgive all the stuff which happened.
Get out of there. You do not need to let yourself be around those sort of people. It is awful when family ends up that way, but doing the best for yourself is the best thing you can do for your own health, your Bf, and whatever family you might have in the future. Protect yourself, and make decisions on the future you want to have.
If you want to interact, then do it from a distance and while setting clear expectations to them.
And if they want to help you, than tell them to send money. But not to get involved directly.
You do not owe them anything, make your future your own.
Like ozymandias said, do what makes you happy.
And I’d say place yourself around people who are going to make you happy. Spend Christmas with those people instead, ask your friends if you could celebrate with them, if you know they are good people/family.
My wife has spent this past week saying our daughter, “had better do (these things).” I have to keep reminding her that, no, she doesn’t. She’s 22 and she can make her own choices now. If that means she wants to spend Christmas Day in bed with her partner, that’s her right. If my wife wants to see the kid maybe stop ordering her around like she is 12.
Something about what you just wrote motivated to live the way I want.
I know deeply inside that I should interact with them even less. They are really very toxic…
Thanks @anon4807860 . Your words are very wise, and yeah it’s really time to fight for my future while not letting others, my family also to destroy it.
Well, you might have to decide whether you’re going to burn those bridges. Are you going to cut them out of your life because they’re toxic? Or keep hoping things will change for the better?
