In short:
My BF dislikes my parents and my brother. I know they’re (my family) somewhat toxic, but I hate choosing between people. Overall, even though they’re toxic, they helped me a lot. I feel awful that my BF doesn’t want to come to my place most of the time. It’s almost a year when relationship between my BF and parents is bad. And I feel that I am also guilty. I shared too many details about my parents with my BF… I failed here.
What shall I do? Should I try to make peace between them? Several times I tried and it didn’t worked out.
Another big problem is, I also cannot decide what my relationship with parents shall be. There were times when they were abusive, mostly mentally, and I know, that I should change something in this relationship, but as long I am not financially free, there’s no real possibility on changing relationship drastically. And… my brother. I was telling about him many times here, but in short, I was addicted to drugs because of him.
I think your bf feels threat of your family, I would feel the same, doesn’t want problems … I understand him , but he likes you and that what’s matters… you will both find a way for your life
Maybe you’re right… he just probably don’t want more problems or arguments in his life
Thanks a lot, that’s very sweet of you to say.
By the way, again, sorry for those times when I was rude to you. I really have problems with self control when I am irritated or angry
Hell I don’t know what to do I love my parents no matter what they did to me.
Literally, I know I should totally cut the bondings for few years and don’t contact them. Not only because they were abusive or lied to me, I also need to think what to do about my family for lots and lots of time alone. I finally need to realise what kind of people they are. Because somedays when there’s 0 alcohol they’re quite nice.
But as I mentioned they manipulated me and lied a lot.
That’s why I need a job and money. I need to start living by my own, as a consequence I will have a clear thoughts and ideas what to do with my family.
A bit too honest now…
Thanks for this advice. At the moment I will try to keep good relationship with both sides. Even though one side does not want to contact the other at all…
And being independent is the very important one. I really need to stand on my feet now.
And take a break from my family maybe for a longer or a shorter time some time in the future. I need to rethink the situation clearly and without others opinions.
My bf dislikes my family so much that his opinion most of the time is ain’t helpful… like I mean, he is being honest, I know. But bc he is angry on my family he is also not very clear at thinking.
I don’t know much about your family, and your relationship but there is saying sometimes friends and other people are better then your family , I mean there are families who kill each other it’s very bad … for your situation I would advice , stay calm try to stay out of trouble , stick to good deeds , try to avoid something that can hurt you, and try to escape from your family, you can have them but keep distance from them. You are an adult now and can live your own life… I know that with sz finding job and working isn’t easy, but stay calm and try to do what you can to make your life better,
I tried this too.
He says, that he saw too much of pretending to be nice and generous people in family.
Like, that they wear masks and pretend to be better than they actually are.
Its rlly sad. I hate being a diplomat and like a messenger in this situation
Right now I could possibly go to live with my BF. But he is also living with his parents. And I don’t have a job yet. So I don’t wanna cause problems to him and his family. I mean I don’t wanna cause financial problems to them
When I will find a job, even if the wage will be small, I will try to live at my bf and his parents house. Then I could help them with money too and not cause problems.
And then one day we, my bf and me will go live independently.
So that’s my plan
But as he say one of the main reasons he doesn’t want to spend time with my family is because they have 0 respect for me.
I know that most people would choose family over love interest. Just my family dynamics is quite unusual… most people say that my family is quite unusual and a bit unloving. But some say my family is nice. IDK
I will talk to him today. We need a long deep talk
Having said that i think he should still show face. I do for the sake of my partner and he does for the sake of me…even though we ■■■■■ and moan about each others parents behind closed doors .
I love my parents no matter what they did to me.
