My psychotic break was pretty horrific, like I imagine they are for everyone. It was like everything I felt latent guilt about came streaming out of my subconscious. I thought everyone important to me suddenly learned of every bad thing I’d ever done. I thought my family, friends, and coworkers were conspiring against me, and I thought I’d caused the end of the world. I also thought I could control the weather. I thought I was responsible for natural disasters, racism, deaths of millions. I thought God was sending me messages through music on the radio. I’ve snapped out of thinking like that, thank goodness. But I’m obsessed with the fact that things got so bad mentally for me to begin with. I keep thinking back to how bad my psychosis was and I almost want to throw up. I try to distract myself but my thoughts always drift back to my psychosis. It’s not even been a year since I experienced it so perhaps in time things will improve? Interested in your guys’ thoughts. Thanks for reading.
A year out I was still feeling very bad…
I felt like psychosis completely altered my mind and persobality…
If I were you I would give it some time…
In the meantime I know its tough…
Hang in there!
Thank you! I’m sorry things were rough for you too. I hope you’re feeling better!
I’m going to give it time. 
I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel I have a very mild form of ptsd due to my psychotic breaks.
I’m out of hospital 4 years now. Time heals. I’m not obsessed about my psychotic breaks anymore. But I do think about them from time to time.
I do feel like if it happens again though… That I will be able to maybe think more like OK this is not real even though it will feel real… Still tough though. I also had some delusions bout the weather it happened mainly in summer my psychosis n i used the think the sun would come out just for me lol
It makes sense that it would be on your mind so much. Especially since its so recent. I think it might be beneficial to you to write down all of your feelings about certain things you remember. It might help you sort out everything that happened and is going on in your head.
@everhopeful That gives me some hope! 
Lol which goes along with your username. I’m glad you’re doing better now!
@anon90843118 Haha yes that’s what I suspect as well, that next time, if there is a next time, I’ll be more likely to have at least somewhat of a grasp on reality.
@Noise That’s a really good idea, thank you!
I try to sort through things in my head but my thoughts get all jumbled; there’d be a lot more clarity if I wrote them down and analyzed them, I suspect.
I need to do that too
I can relate to what your saying. I felt that way too. They kept encouraging me to write everything down the first time I had psychosis in the hospital. Even my family. They gave me a pen and a pad of paper but I was too paranoid to write anything down. Never wrote a word. I had no idea what was going on and had no insight into my illness. I didn’t even get a psychotic diagnosis until a year later. It would be nearly two years before I got diagnosed with paranoid sz. They told me I was having an adjustment disorder and only prescribed me Zoloft which didn’t do anything for me. It wasn’t until after my second hospitalization that I finally got a psychotic diagnosis and started APs.
It took me 6 years after getting sick to come to this website and realize I was sick. The fact that you have insight into your illness it a positive step.
All the best of luck to you. I had several major breakdowns before I got stable. Hopefully you’re more lucky.
I’m sorry you had to go through all that but it sounds like you’ve made strides in your recovery which is awesome!
I don’t know what’s in my future mental health-wise… but I’m glad to have a place like this to air my thoughts, nonsensical as they may be sometimes. The support I get here is invaluable.
Thank you. I am trying to work again and have learned I am still very sick but it doesn’t seem impossible anymore. Getting insight was the most important step in the process. It’s only then when you can truly work on recovery.
My major problem now is that I need too much sleep to really hold down a normal job. I have to get 10 to 12 hours a night so I don’t get symptoms. That doesn’t leave much time for the family if you are trying to hold down a full time job. Poor work-life balance. I used to be good with about 6 to 8 hours of sleep. Maybe one day I can get back there. Working on it.
Actually mine was very mild. The first voice I ever heard, was a male saying: What a jerk! Its gotten steadily worse over the years as liars multiplied. now they threaten morbid things.
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