Schizophrenia.com

Obsessed with impossible dreams all my life

HI

I’ve always found this one difficult - i spent 15 years chasing impossible career choices (for me) where the stress put me sectioned within months or a year repeatedly.

now i gave up on career, i want to do an Ironman
i’m obsessed with getting a £2000 road bike which i can’t afford, and i have an electric bike (which i love but when i stress about long distance triathlons i want to sell) and a cheap sporty hybrid

I hardly cycle but I want to do an I ironman - i want to go with people now, but i’m Aspie and i don’t know anyone, find socializing excruciating.

I’ve done a 60 mile bike ride, 3 half marathons, swimming is not great - i’m overweight not that far from obese.

I’m not even motivated enough for basic training and i have no confidence in my abilities.

I’ve already speeded up running with the cross training - but i’ve done nothing for 10 days and i’m starting to doubt my sanity

I am now going to spend all my money on a multi sport coach once a week.

I think if i can get this done then maybe i can earn that road bike by the time i’m 40. (birthday money and my savings for a holiday)

I think this sounds about right,
i’ve signed up for a 1500m swim in March, a Half Marathon in April, a sprint triathlon Run/bike/swim 750m/25miles/5k
and an olympic distance triathlon Run/bike/swim 1500m/40miles/10k in September

These are huge goals, at the moment i’m practically hibernating with all the excuses and do nothing but beat myself up before i even open my eyes every morning.

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Very interesting.
Because of this two reason.

  1. I used to have this desire. now gone.
  2. It seems you are female.
    Good luck anyway.

I have big dreams too. I’m kinda lost right now because I don’t even know as though I want to accomplish some of them, or even if I can. I thought I wanted to be a writer for the longest time but now I’m just trying to focus on reading more books which is something that can be challenging for me because my focus isn’t always top notch. I enjoy hanging around my mother and thank god for her because I can see the world a bit through her. For now I think I’m just going to focus on a few goals. I’ve lost a lot of weight which is good but now I think I want to take it to the next level and get some muscle tone. I’ve been doing push-ups and some ab exercises. I want to get in better shape so I can have a better presentation of myself when I go job hunting. One of my goals is to become employed at a book store. One of my dreams is to become an intellectual.

It’s excellent to dream big and have goals. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you.So I would expect you to take any advice with a grain of salt and not blindly follow it. So here goes, I hope those are realistic goals and that you aren’t setting yourself up for failure. While I don’t let schizophrenia run my whole life, I know I have to make compromises and sacrifices because of it. But it would be neat for you to succeed.

Thanks Nick
I bought a women’s triathlete magazine today, and read it, while eating crisps on a train

I had a great 7hr week of training and then almost nothing for 3 weeks
I’ve made up goals for the end of each month starting in Jan

I did set myself up for failure for my 5 yrs as a slow long distance dedicated runner.
I wanted to run a marathon but only got to run 3 halfs, and be easily confident with 10 miles and at a push I did 16 one day.

Then I didn’t run for 3 years and decided I didn’t reach my dream
Maybe I should go for the big one (ironman is 2.4 mile swim open water - 112 mile bike and a marathon, one after each other in under generally 17 hours.

I’d love to but I’m actually the opposite if a natural athlete in every way
I need my mums encouragement just to get out the door, she’s often driven me to runs and waits and walks a bit

Setting myself up for failure seems to be pretty big for me.
All I ever do, and it knocks my confidence.
Natural ironman athletes never thought that much of their century rides being a great achievement (and here I am with a very slow night ride for 60miles, feeling like you could scrape me off an Ironman’s cycling shoes).
It’s not even fun to be around.

Thanks for all responses

It can be very difficult to concentrate in reading
You have to be in some kind of right state if mind.
Exercise is
The best thing for posture!
Do some cardio as well as strength training - walking will do

hmmm impossible dreams…I know them only too well. I’ve been a fantasist for much of my life and have achieved nothing. I guess I don’t have what it takes to do the dirty work. maybe that’s because im ill I don’t know. I find myself never living up to expectation, my own I might add. ive wanted to be a lot of things in my life but my avolition stops me aswell as a sense of anxiety. my life is mind numbingly boring and I haven’t had the wherewithal to change it so far. I don’t want to go to my grave having not made my mark on the world. something has to give which means that I have to change. maybe if I change a little at a time I can do it.

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you seem to beat yourself up a lot which is normal, don’t be so hard on your self.
if you dream of running a race, you train, you think that you are fit for the race, and a quarter way through you get a bad stitch and you can not go on, and you realize that your training was not enough, have you failed ?, is your dream a failure ?
of course not , you dared to dream , you trained , you did your best.
i have a saying in my life " have a go , that will do ."
to dream is to be human, without dreams our lives would be less colourfull.
take care

Hi
Thanks
I’m sure it’s pretty common actually all this
And I think everyone wants to leave a mark
I’m kind of handing it over and am going to put great trust in a personal trainer firstly to get me to a standard distance triathlon
Absolutely a bit At a time x helpful thanks

Well yes cue violins. :wink:
Very beautifully put darksith

i had the violins going when i wrote this piece , but i could not afford the orchestra !
take care

HI cloud dog. Your dreams are of greatness. I’ve seen, I volunteered to help coordinate marathons before. I stood on the side cheering on the runners. Some of them asked me to join in on the run. But of course I couldn’t I was just manning my post. My dreams never really materialized. I couldn’t decide or commit 100% to any dream. You definitely got what it takes if you can run 3 halfs. Best of luck to you.

Ah yes - greatness - I think i am a touch ego istical

Thanks made me smile