In my younger years before now ( 20’s ) i used to be chasing my dreams of the perfect family life with children and nice home, be slim, gosh i was always skipping meals trying to be slim. I worked my ass off everyday at work. Then my mh became worse and i spent my 30’s dx sz trying out different meds and lots of psych ward visits.
Now late 40’s These days with SMI i barely do anything. I feel like ive accomplished something by getting a shower or getting up early? I dont chase dreams anymore ive done enough with my life to know when enough is enough. I accept im schizophrenic now and its a balancing act. The pdocs have put me on good meds, now the rest is up to me. Im never going to have kids or a dream home or a career. Im never going to be slim. I accept this and i just try to make it through one day at a time which im doing
Ive barely had any friends through my life and dont expect this to change, i can barely go outside and i feel overwhelmed with anyone othee than hubby
But I always jump to that stream when I find an excuse to not do the present task.
Then I got to know it’s a excuse for me to skip the current work.
I tried and reached in making an app. When I showed it to an interview for Data Scientist role they asked if I have done PhD. I said nope. And they rejected my resume.
But still I was short listed thats something like a dream.
Then I decided there is something like passion and work.
Like once @Zoe said I don’t like to make my drawings as income. Data scientist is my passion not a profession.
But gave up on the dream to make money out of my passion. But it’s fun how to test and train programs with a set of data. Awww I miss coding. But I don’t have the time now. Because I work 9.5 hours daily and its exhausting. By the time I reach home I crash to bed. Then I have a wonderful sleep for 9 hours. And refreshed and out to work again.
I never had dreams, I never dreamt of doing or having anything when I grew up. I read about it online, some people are like this. I had no expectations in life. I guess you could say everything I’ve accomplished is just a bonus that I didn’t expect or think I’d get. If I had a dream as an adult it would be just for everybody to leave me alone so I could live the rest of my life in peace, alone.
I always thought I’d go back to college and finish my degree but now in my 40’s that won’t happen. Loans have been forgiven. But I have stuff to be thankful for in life too.
Same. It’s extraordinarily sad due me being in my early 20s. I got this illness at 15, and ever since, I’ve had zero ambitions of my own. Sure, there’s been career opportunities I’ve wanted to explore, but without a driver’s license due to my illness and the side effects of the medication, I’m stuck.
I’m gonna work alright, but I doubt I’ll have a fulfilling career. I can’t leave my family.
I gave up on hope a long time ago. Constraints are a part of everyone’s life. I try to fight and overcome what I’m able to. I understand your frustration of a life not lived up to ideal expectations. Life can still be good. I like the movie silver linings playbook about a mentally ill guy trying to get his life together making sense of life being mentally ill. I live day by day. Whatever happens happens. I think the best thing I ever did was get rid of grand narrative explanations of life’s purpose. Everything is survival. The rest is just showing off. Have a good evening.
Its an incredibly difficult job, at least to me, especially wen one makes themself part of the experiment at some point, .., i think data scientists do that. Idk.
I appreciate ppl who work in that field as some1 gotta.
But!, it shud only be done, if u find it suits ones wellbeing , i guess.
Yeh i did say that when money is involved it can change how u feel bout a passion, too,
I lost my career as an architect when I fell late onset at 35. hurt a lot…I put myself through college too…worked really hard for that degree…all for nothing…well not really…I got to design homes that the plans are still being sold and built to this day.
