How to let go of my previous dreams

I had big dreams before my hospitalization and diagnosis. Maybe it’s still possible that I can achieve some of them, but I’ve been getting steadily more depressed as I read more about this disease. Does anyone have advice for how to deal with this?

My big dreams were part of my problem; they were unachievable. It drove me insane.

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You can absolutely still achieve your dreams.

It’ll take more work, but it’s possible.

I got my degree,

Held several really nice jobs and have a successful marriage.

All with schizophrenia.

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My advice is to hold onto those dreams and use them as motivation to get better. Statistics paint a pretty grim picture for us, but we can still have the lives we want.

When I was first diagnosed, my doc said I would never get married, never work, never have a family. He said I better just get on disability and try for a low stress life.

Now, 8 years later, I am married, with 3 kids (through foster/adoption), I have worked full time except when I quit to take care of the kids, I am working towards a doctorate, I own a home, and I feel happy with my life.

I don’t think I would have accomplished half of that if it wasn’t for coming here and seeing @shutterbug and others who were doing the things my doctor said were impossible for someone like me.

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If I am being honest, reading this post made me cry a bit because I vividly remember laying in my bed weeks after being diagnised and actively forcing myself to give up on all my dreams because I thought they were impossible. I am glad I went back to them. The me of 2013 would have written that post and meant every word. I have learned since then. Schizophrenics accomplish things all the time. But usually, they aren’t open about their mental health.

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Thanks everyone! I had my first (and hopefully only) episode of psychosis a few months ago and am still trying to rebuild my identity and sense of purpose. Thankfully I’ve had no further positive symptoms, but I’m so scared of cognitive symptoms/decline, as my identity so far has largely been about intellectual achievement. It feels like my working and long term memory and attention have worsened over the last few years. And either depression or negative symptoms is making it really hard for me to get any work done right now.

I’m a PhD student, and the whole experience has made me want to change research directions, to something health related (maybe even the genetics of psychiatric disorders - which is quite different from what I’ve been doing so far), but I’m worried I won’t be able to learn the new material quickly enough. I also wonder if it would be triggering to work in the area of mental health. I’ve been seriously considering dropping out of my PhD program and getting a low stress job. But these responses have inspired me, thanks! @Ninjastar and @GoldenRex , what do you think has allowed you to live such high functioning lives?

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Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

  • Langston Hughes
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What are you currently studying for your PhD?

I’m currently in a subfield of math. It was a choice I made while hypomanic, I believe. I do like math but I don’t think I love it enough to be a good fit for this field, and on a practical level there are also almost no non-academic jobs in the field. I also increasingly want to do something with real-world applications.

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Also, even if you don’t wind up doing what you really wanted to (I loved being a chef sooooooo much before the back injury) it doesn’t mean you can’t succeed elsewhere and still live a quality life. Don’t ever let anyone steal your hope from you.

:heart:

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I was a pilot when I got sick. Would be a captain at a major airline right now if it weren’t for schizophrenia and medication. But I still fly occasionally with an instructor. Not heavy expensive aircraft like I am used to but can still wiggle the sticks

In about a week or so I am flying up to the northeast for an interview with a small airline. I would be managing safety programs in an office not flying. But I am surprised I got a second interview and they are flying me up there. I did well on the phone screen with the HR guy. Pretty good opportunity seeing how I haven’t flown for a living since 2008.

A little too cold there for a southern boy but if they offer me the job I just may take it. I usually blow interviews though.

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I love math but I kniw what you mean about there being limited jobs. If you want a practical application of math, you would probably want some sort of engineering field. I’m studying neuroscience, but very part time. I only take 2 classes per semester.

Some of the things that have helped me with recovery:

  • taking my medication religiously, but also being up front about which side effects i can and cannot handle.
  • being 100% honest about my symptoms with doctors
  • CBT/DBT classes
  • amyloban
  • maintaining a good support system of people I can trust
  • coming here so I can talk through my struggles when they arise, and also just not feel alone
  • 741-741 (crisis text line)
  • therapy with a good therapist who approaches things in a way that works for me
  • Biofeedback (this one can be hard to access for people cuz it is pricey)
  • being realistic about my current limits, but not treating them like permanent limits
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Thank you, I’ll keep these in mind!

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You can always make new dreams too

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I don’t really believe in dreams, it’s not real… I think it as a rather a thought process.

Psychosis has shifted my perspective a bit.

But have hope instead

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