Nobody knows

Nobody knows how totally insane I am. I have a gift of knowing I’m insane, most of the time, but I’ve been acting for almost three decades. That is my main coping skill, acting. I’m afraid if I’m found out I will lose my mind in an absolute way. But that is crazy. One girl I know screamed on the bus, " he’s gone, and he’s not coming back! "So she knows, and I’m still functioning on my own! It must not matter, as long as most people are in the dark I’m okay. I’m going to shower now and walk to the pharmacy, the first time I’ve gotten out in two days and my first shower in four. Wish me luck!


Good luck. Hope all goes well. :deer::deer::deer:


Good luck dude, hope it goes smoothly :))


Ah hell, I was just like you. When I talked I made sense and talked perfectly normal and said normal things. It’s just this past year that the fan belt started slipping and I’ve gone crazy over neighbors.

But the first 30 years my therapists and anyone else who knew me would say that if they didn’t know my diagnosis they would never guess I had schizophrenia.


I’m crazy too, but I do believe I can bury that side of me with some practice of self-integrity and dicipline. That’s what I’m working on.

We are all actors. Like when someone asks you how are you doing I guess most people will say ok or good even if they are not doing good. And that in a nutshell is the social acting we do every day. Luckily I can be straight with family and close friends, except for things that are too crazy that I don’t even understand it myself.

I had a good trip out to the pharmacy. I know the pharmacist by name. I gained ten pounds in the hospital. I’m going to lose it soon. Right now I have trouble with my back, but my plan is to walk 30 minutes a day five days a week. I guess the problem with social interactions is I can forget my right and wrong and act out. I lose what sanity I have and become totally blind. That’s why I cannot use pot or drink even one beer. I feel safe and trust myself but I’m 51 now and my memory is starting to become impaired. I don’t know of anyone in my family who has Alzheimer’s, but then I know that is not the thing as sz.

ah good to hear it was good trip to the pharmacy =)

and your plan to walk every day sounds like a good idea. I hope you manage to succeed it!

Good luck =)

I think sz can feel like Alzheimer’s in that we lose mental strength. The walking should help your mental muscle.

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