I have sza. I am disabled. I am old. I am fat and out of shape. I am ugly. I haven’t worked in 8 years. I’m never going to get a Job. I don’t even know what to do.
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I know the feeling. I am pretty useless for modern standards.
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Excuse me for posting a lot… I had my caffeine enema to quote Ed Norton from fight club. I like that part bc it deals also with insomnia…
Anyway weren’t you the one who said you’re overweight and your hubby enjoys you? Lol.
Now your talking about online dating??
Maybe I’m like a child coming in at the middle of a conversation… I have no frame of reference.
P.S I don’t really enjoy movies that much anymore.
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Leaf,
I feel ugly too 
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Coindentally I joined a dating site just before Leaf’s post about two days ago.
Before grandeur took place of my self esteem or lack there of, I always saw myself as having ok to alright handsomeness but a lack of personality.
Now I feel worse than before.
But a tidbit is to stop calling sons “handsome” call them “good looking” instead… it’s not that hard to say and it’ll go farther. Language matters!
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I’m sure you’ll get a job. It might not be a glamorous job, but I’m sure a cashier’s job or something would be doable
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Also you’re not ugly
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I dont know what you look like but I often feel like I’m ugly and I have a job. My mom is disabled and didnt work her whole life until age 40 and got a job. Its doable!
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I dont think you’re ugly at all!!
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I’m not saying that to be nice, either
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I like your courage… taking chances(risk) is what makes life beautiful. So many have said that that I don’t know who to attribute it to.
Mental illness is a headwind on our looks, but you seem to be maintaining and weathering this significant storm.
Anyway try to chin up much much more. And don’t necessarily quit online dating… it’s good to have many irons in the fire. I believe you’ll get happiness and/or dreams, because frankly you already have that sort of thing on your “resume” yes??
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I would like to online date, but not right now. I need therapy first to process my divorce. I’m not quite over my old relationship. I haven’t let that go yet. And I’m not ready to kiss a new man. Let alone sex, I could never. And that seems to be on their minds so I’m not ready for that yet. I’ll just focus on friendship right now. Friendship and finding a job. That will keep me out of trouble lol.
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The beautiful part of mental illness is the negative symptoms and due to it rejection or any other bad event etc no longer affects the individual. So not forget about the positive aspect of negative symptoms and keep searching for new jobs as you no longer feel rejection so bad like before. Eventually you’ll definitely find one, the key is to keep searching, attending interviews as much.
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You don’t look bad at all. I’ve seen a million people working in stores or restaurants or gas stations or in the library etc. who look worse than you do. I’m no Errol Flynn or John Barrymore and I’ve been working for 40 years.
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leaf,
You have lovely big brown eyes…and cheekbones women would kill for.
Now get on that horse and send out those resumes! You got this!
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leaf is attractive looking.
She may have that condition called something like ‘Body Dismorphia’…whereby you think you are ugly when you are actually not.
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