I can be in the middle of a sentence any people will just start talking like my words don’t mean anything. People just say rude things to me like I’m just going to sit there and take it. People ignore me, and then when I finally got angry about it, my mom told me that I don’t have a right to anyone’s attention. Oh, but then, when people fúcking need something, they all come running to me like I exist only to please others, like I don’t have a right to their attention, but they have a right to my time. People shít all over my ideas and my dreams, tell me what I can’t and won’t be able to do, tell me that I shouldn’t aim high because I’m starting too low. Who the fúck will ever want to give someone like me a chance?
My mom spoke of my brother breathing rarified air, and all the opportunities he’ll get because of it. She moved on to speak of her own status as a member of the one percent even though she never graduated, because “it’s not graduating, it’s getting in.” She seriously referred to me as “one of the 99%” like I was some sort of second class citizen. My life hasn’t even started yet. She really thinks she’s something? She puts me down in order to feel better about yourself. She downplays my opinions, and makes snide remarks like “you really don’t understand?” or “what don’t you get?” or “you can’t understand…” There’s that word again, right? “Can’t.” I can’t. Well I won’t accept that. Before now, she always told me that I could do anything I set my mind to. Well, I can. I will.
And yeah, I guess I’m alone. No friends. Not anymore. Not ever. I know I’m alone. It hurts. It really does. But it’s reality. I’ll make my own name.
Don’t write off the rest of humanity for some seriously dumb people. Friendship is earned and possible and you just need to keep in the game.
Family you need to deal with. If they are acting like that then play the game and just do what you need to do. Put on a face. Get some real friends.
I’m sorry you have to deal with that from family but friends are those you choose yourself to hang around. Plenty of good people out there. Hang in with family. You don’t need to be their best friends.
People talk over each other all the time, but you have the right to expect others to respect you. Try to be assertive and not aggressive when you do it. That makes it easier for everyone.
Your family sound suffocating & damaging @Sardonic. I had an abusive childhood so my family only ever used me for abuse and nothing has really changed in adult life. I think it’s probably best to have as little to do with them as possible. Maybe some distance for you would be good too?
Friendships are hard. I often feel used, people take a lot from me then when I need the friendship they give nothing back. I don’t know what the solution is but I just go to lots of Meetups & try to meet new people regularly so I have a range of options for socialising. On the other hand, sometimes I feel really happy with my friends and am reminded that I am capable of positive emotions (as opposed to my usual nothing/sad state) and it feels good. I’m sure there are some nice people out there for you, just takes quite a lot of work to find them.