When I was about 12 or 13, demons began tormenting me. I’m 48 now. I missed lots of school, didn’t have many friends, had serious sleep problems, became Bulimic, suicidal and anxious. I barely made it hrough high school, wasted a few yers in junior college, and dropped out of art school before marrying an abusive man. (I divorced him) I was fanatically religious. (I even underwent an exorcism. It didn’t work, but it was interesting) I didn’t think I was fanatical at the time, and that’s ok because God telling me not to kill myself is why I didn’t. I’ve spent much of my life keeping secrets, even, or especially, from therapists. But, when I started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy three years ago, and finally told some of my secrets, it changed my life in a way nothing else had. I still have angels and demons telling me things. I still see them and feel their presence. To be honest, after so many years I believe it would be damaging to me to take them away. I have incorporated my companions in a way that allows me to function. I don’t do any drugs and I don’t drink alcohol because I believe maintaining balance is critical. I also have always refused medication the many times it has been recommended because they would take my control away, and would take away my companions. Even though I still find myself on the bathroom floor sobbing, fighting to resist commands to slice myself up with a kitchen knife, I have always made it through those episodes. I am lucky, I know. But I wonder if more people can fight/balance and make some peace on their own too.
Perhaps meds might be the proper route if you still find yourself on the floor with a knife.
That to me isn’t ‘being in control’ at all. I think you should consider it for your own mental well being.
Medication has allowed me to work, raise a family and thoroughly enjoy my life these days.
For me it’s impossible to cope without meds. But if you made it so far, good for you.
Wish you the best.
With out meds i would be back in hospital, and have lost the life i have now. So that you have covered to me is like a huge fear. Meds have helped give me a life, the love of my life friends a family that no longer looks at me with fear and most of all a reason to live after 23 times to end it that’s a huge win for me.
The idea…just the thought of being on the floor with a kinfe and just companions around scares the life out of me…what works for you, maybe not be working as well as you think medication may be the way for a lot of us, it maybe for you, or not.
Great for you it you can live with out them Good luck
That part takes some getting used to… there was a time I didn’t want my voices to leave. I’ve had them for so long. Having a quiet head over the course of a few weeks… when I’ve had a full head most of my life was a very scary idea.
But eventually, with the meds… at a lower dose… with therapy on how to cope and quiet them… I became used to not relying on them… then not listening to them…
I understand having a brain change suddenly can really mess us up. But with meds… and no voices… and no hallucinations… it makes things easier.
I hope things go better for you. Good luck and be safe…
I really appreciate your insight and compassion. Thank you. I guess it doesn’t sound like I’m doing that great. I think I’m amazed that I’m still here and present pretty normally for the most part. I feel like it’s too late to try medication, and I really can’t imagine losing what is a huge part of my reality. I’m glad for you and everyone who has found a more peaceful place to exist. It’s hard to describe the experiences of schizophrenia, and having a forum where there are people who understand is comforting.
What I didn’t include, and should have, is that I work at a job I love and maintain my job and work relationships. I am also remarried, for two years now, and it is really difficult, but it makes me work harder to be ok. I really appreciate advice and support from this forum because you all understand. I think it’s too late for me to try meds, and, yes, fear is a part of that. I do not have the full quality of a happy/peaceful life that many have, and I wish that for everyone who has experienced anything like I have…so I’m glad meds work for others. Thank you for wishing me well.
It is never too late.
But you know what is best for you. There are some people who decide to stay off meds ( including my son ).
Good that you are doing CBT. I would love my son to do this.
Come to this site often. It has been a lifeline for me.**
Congratulations on finding a job you like and having a new chance at love.
There are people on here who don’t take meds…
But they do go to CBT and have a good support system in place and find other ways to cope.
For me… I need the meds… I was lucky in that my docs found a combo that works well for me.
I know others aren’t that lucky. Even if you don’t take meds… don’t give up on other ways to stay healthy.
If I went off of my meds, in about 6 months I’d be walking down the freeway buck naked screaming at the cameras in the sky.
I accept that I’m a ‘lifer’ on medication. The dose however might be able to be reduced down the road…or at least I hope so.
This forum is a great resource that I wish I had found sooner. My son also has schizophrenia but remains undiagnosed and intends to stay unmedicated. He’s 21 and I worry about him, but he’s doing better than I was at his age. I wish your son all the best, bridgecomet!