I’m not sure if I’m doing this right, or if its okay to ask questions like this here, so feel free to lemme know and I can put it in the right place haha.
So just a quick background of myself, I do have a severe learning disability and am a diagnosed schizophrenic. This often leaves me distracted and ditsy, but if I commit to something I can learn it well enough. Despite these characteristics I am an outwardly ‘normal’ person. I’m subtly socially awkward but I can hold a good conversation, I hold myself well enough, I’m respectful, I’m a clean-cut looking fellow and I care a lot about those around me.
The issue I am running into is that many people in my life begin treated me pretty normal or even equally, but given a bit of time, I’ve noticed a correlation of people beginning to treat my like I am incompetent and it escalates to super demeaning and patronizing interactions. I’m constantly over explained things at work despite performing them just fine, or trying to explain that I already know respectfully, this treatment is very similar to school.
Now ongoing to relationships, I’ve noticed that my friends start doing this as well. I express an upset expecting people to be a listening ear (I know they do it for others) and I explain that I need someone to just listen, but everyone chastises me for mistakes I made, or actions I should have taken. (People ‘should’ all over me all of the time :p).
Generally I approach these interactions nicely, just trying to keep the peace. Due to my mental health, constantly being treated less then human, and I’m already working my *** off to function in society, it triggers my episodes, and I do hear a voices and hallucinate (I can distinguish reality so I try to isolate myself and go through it with self-talk and distractions)
These episodes always leave me very depressed and very much suicidal. I’m getting to a point where I am growing a lot more cynical, frustrated, and short with everyone around me. I’m generally a bubbly nice person, but I feel like I need to protect my mental health against nearly everyone in my life and the only way I can do that so far is telling people off and not treating people with as much respect.
This is super sucky because all I’d like is to be treated normally, or like how I generally treat people in my life. I don’t feel like having to be outwardly mean or standoffish is the only way to be treated with some respect, but so far its the only way I’ve come to realize that works for me.
Thanks for ready all of this and helping me find answers! I know its a doozy.