Schizophrenia.com

New Roommate?

Got and offer I am tempted to take, a young man in my support group, with a similar diagnosis, has been kicked out of his apartment by his roommate, who claimed my support groupie was putting ‘devices’ in the walls…pretty sure this other guy is also SZ but hey I have no right to judge…

anyway my new possible roommate has offered to pay for the electric bill and the taxes every year as well as monthly rent if I let him move into one of my empty bedrooms. I feel for the guy, but what if our SZ makes us clash or worse?

Do you have time to get to know him better before you make the decision? If not it’s a risky move. But if he can’t find somewhere else to live quickly maybe you should consider to do it out of kindness. And if it doesn’t work out you could tell him he has to move out. Listen to your gut feeling.

If you decide to let him move in, you want to have him sign papers that give you easier rights to kick him out, if he becomes bad for your health or refuses to pay rent, etc. When I rented sublets in people’s houses, it was completely standard for me to sign such papers, part of which included that I could be kicked out at any time but would be given a 30 days notice before having to leave, and so on.

Some good general advice: http://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/2015/04/09/7-things-to-remember-before-renting-out-a-room

But basically if push comes to shove and you have to evict him because it turns into a nightmare, often having as much in writing and signed as possible in a contract will help. Varies by state/province and country, though.

yeah I have paper work for all that, got it from my town office they were great, but my only concern is my mental health, is it safe for two SZ people to live in one house? I feel th need to give him a place to stay if only for a short time, but he admits to orgetting his meds a lot so it worries me, but ive been there so I know how hard it is.

It comes down to my disease VS my upbringing. one says its bad, the other says its good.

What is your gut telling you? Are you having a gut-feeling of apprehension? If so, I think you should listen to your instincts.

my gut says he needs help, and to help him, its my SZ that says it might be bad, and the way I was raised, you don’t turn your back on people…

I mean your gut feelings about why it might be a bad idea for him to move in.

Your guilty feelings are unwarranted. You must first care for yourself before you can ever hope to care for anyone else in any way. Feelings of guilt have likely been inflicted upon you by emotional manipulation. That is not your gut.

Your gut exists to serve you and protect you in life. If you are having bad gut feelings about this guy moving in, then your gut is probably right, it’s probably a bad idea.

Like nobody can predict how well or not it might go, but your collective subconscious mind knows you, and knows how you react to things, and what makes things worse for you.

So if you are getting bad gut feelings, listen to them.

you have a point @Turnip. If he cant find aplace by the end of the week I will offer him a place for the weekend, but no more until I can be sure of how I will cope with having him there.

It’s nice that you want to help people but you have to ask yourself, “What do I really owe this guy”? You are not obligated to help him. You have to consider your own wants and needs too. Like I said, it’s a very good character trait to want to help people in need, but is he your friend?

I’ve lived in houses with other schizophrenics but we were all in a program under the care of a mental health agency. I think if you are going to live with someone who has schizophrenia it has to be on a case by case basis. Do you like him? Do you think with his personality that you will be compatible in close quarters? I wouldn’t say that it couldn’t work out just because he’s schizophrenic. But if you have been in group with him you have an idea what he’s like. But from listening to him talk in group, does he sound responsible? Does he function well? If he does drugs I would not even consider letting him move in, that’s a deal breaker.

If you want to let him move in I would find out a little bit of his history first from him. The bottom line is that you do not want to take on the problems of someone else. If he is stable and responsible than I would consider it. You don’t have to grill him about his whole life but I would just informally ask him a few basic questions to get an idea of what he would be like to live with.

I was on my own for 25 years. I mostly rented rooms in peoples houses. Almost all of them let me move in after one short interview. They asked stuff like: Was I neat and did I clean up after myself? Did I cook a lot? Did I have a lot of visitors? What was my job?

What does your potential roommate do for a daytime activity every day? When interviewing him, you don’t have the right to get too personal or nosy but I’ll warn you, if you are both home all day together doing nothing in a small space, that could get old fast. If you are compatible it might work out to both be home all day at the same time, but boy if you have friction it could turn uncomfortable.

I don’t want to make this a big deal or complicated but I just wanted to give you a rough idea of what it could be like. It might not be a big deal at all to let him move in. You might like each other and it could work out perfectly fine. When I lived in houses with other schizophrenics it wasn’t bad. Schizophrenia was not a big deal. In my experience of living with different schizophrenics for years, Schizophrenics are perfectly capable of being good housemates, friends and co-workers. I have had paranoid schizophrenia for 35 years. I know that I’m dependable, and responsible and can get along with other people of all ages. We are perfectly capable of being responsible, and acting like anyone else.

Like I said, letting someone move in whom has schizophrenia should be taken on a case by case basis. Having schizophrenia does not automatically mean trouble, but what you mainly want is someone who is nice, friendly and knows how to follow your rules in your house and be responsible and not cause trouble.

And remember, sometimes in this world you have to look out for number one!!!

he seems responsible, owns his car, has held the same job for seven years, and besides his last roommate has had no issues.

like I said, my gut feeling is to help him, but my voices say trouble will follow