Continuing the discussion from Stigma Surrounding Mental Illness May Extend To Caregivers Who Find Themselves Alone And Needing Help:
my 50 schtz stepson doing ok on ortho and sarcosine, in general but will bring up out of the blue “not too long and I’ll be leaving” no set time frane of adgenda etc. this has gone on for quite a long time so have to think something to it, but wont discuss etc of course it totally wigs ME out as I’m getting older and still worry DAILY about what will happen to him after me. there isn’t anybody else. the stress is really wearing me down. cant take much more of the double existence that seems on a collision course with self distruction if actually does leave, I’ll tell him “no coming back” and stick to it
ive put in way way too much time and energy in trying to guide him into a realistic life style for the future after me. but really feel its going to be all for nothing.
I am a “caregiver” for a family member with sz. I also have debilitating mental illness and my providers want me to go inpatient for a few weeks. I requested outpatient because I need to be here. As if I am really doing that much: providing food, making sure doors are locked stove is off etc, doing laundry, basic organization and planning for activities, driving, and looking after our pets are things my family member cannot do. Sometimes there is food making (which is really great), but never food buying or planning to eat in the future. Laundry and bill paying plus all other background bureaucracies of daily life could go by the wayside for a few weeks. Food and safety are daily needs and the pets have to be looked after at least four times a day.
As in the article, everyone around us acts like this is not happening, so I am fine with it because: no one cares. So, why should I? As long as I can try to take care of my family member I will try. It will be for however long, who knows? I love my family member and wish I could provide, but who knows what will happen? I don’t. I just try to live each day and keep going, even as I mess up more and more. It really doesn’t matter; nobody is going to oversee or help. I’m not saying this to be grim. It’s very freeing. I look for all the resources I can and I have a stack of folders with information for anyone who might for some reason try to connect my family member to resources for basic survival if I am not here.
Gather and organize all possible resources of social workers, case managers, a family member or friend with a sense of duty and competence who might connect your son to these resources, names and locations of okay group homes, names and locations of food banks, housing authority, homeless shelters, anything of quality that your son might need or benefit from. Also, copy the parts (food banks and homeless shelters) that will aid basic survival and give it to him if he leaves.
Everything you have done is not for nothing. You love your child; you did everything you felt you could do. If someone wasn’t cured of another illness after a long period of time, there would be a sense of a battle well fought, or whatever the metaphors are now. This is the same. If we try and we lose, we tried and that is all we could have ever done.
If you can’t take it and he leaves and you don’t let him come back, that just means you reached your own personal limit and you are doing what you need to do to survive, which is how you can keep going. His life really is his and is up to him, not you.
None of this is his fault or yours. I hope the best for both of you.
1 Like
sounds like we have a lot in common. really great to hear from you. perks me up!! thank you/. does your ROCK have 2 worlds running simultaneously?? and move back and forth a lot with now warning?? I KNOW better but each time there is a good spell I just have to hope its going to continue then slam bam !!! thanks for the suggestions for him if he does end up leaving = but magor problem is he doesn’t think HES the one with the problem!!! ifs akll the peoples/cops/ AND family that have stolen all his wealth and companies over the years. one addition wrinkle is he watches a lot of tv - travel, biobraphy. history etc and ALL those assorted people and storlines he takes as gospel truth and are instantly incorporated into THE OTHER world he lives in simultaniousy. and he NEVER seems to get the storylines mixed up. .!!
like you I was diagnosed myself somewhere along the line as Mildly Bipolar. say it in my chart by accident and don’t even know who put it inthere!! cant disagree but at least Im still able to maintain daily living needs thank Gwad. thanks again for the reply I wish you AND me good fortune!!
1 Like