This is my story. It is old and long and I fear boring but there’s a lesson to be learned. I lost my libido when I was put on meds as a teenager. A nurse caught me masturbating one night in the hospital and I couldn’t get it up. I told a friend and he thought it was funny. I had a girlfriend for about a year and a half after I was released and got better. We had sex every day and ate every dollar I earned. She wouldn’t give me a minute to myself. When we broke up for the last time I wanted more, to be a scholar. I thought if I gave up my desire I’d receive heaven on earth. I repressed my desire with religion and went off my meds. I felt like everything I’d gained in life was wiped away, including my libido. I lost my LOVE and she never returned. Now 32 years later I live in a one room apartment, have no job and no family. I left it all because I wanted more. I had been inspired to be great, no one knew to what lengths I’d go to get it. I became a scholar of sorts. I miss my romantic side. Love died. I destroyed the love we made. Schizophrenia is tragic. I’ve been hospitalized many times and seen many tragic cases, much good lost. I made it worse than it had to be but there are many reasons and forces beyond my control dictated my fate decided long long ago. I was lead to the answers. I just had to endure and restrain my impulses to do wrong. Now hate seems so unfounded. They let me suffer my ignorance, but why? Is there love after death?
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You poor guy. I had big dreams too. Nothing in my life seems to have worked out. So I understand
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Lol I got caught too but she ignored it. There is priorities in life and romance is not #1, health is #1.
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