My Romantic Self Died!

This is my story. It is old and long and I fear boring but there’s a lesson to be learned. I lost my libido when I was put on meds as a teenager. A nurse caught me masturbating one night in the hospital and I couldn’t get it up. I told a friend and he thought it was funny. I had a girlfriend for about a year and a half after I was released and got better. We had sex every day and ate every dollar I earned. She wouldn’t give me a minute to myself. When we broke up for the last time I wanted more, to be a scholar. I thought if I gave up my desire I’d receive heaven on earth. I repressed my desire with religion and went off my meds. I felt like everything I’d gained in life was wiped away, including my libido. I lost my LOVE and she never returned. Now 32 years later I live in a one room apartment, have no job and no family. I left it all because I wanted more. I had been inspired to be great, no one knew to what lengths I’d go to get it. I became a scholar of sorts. I miss my romantic side. Love died. I destroyed the love we made. Schizophrenia is tragic. I’ve been hospitalized many times and seen many tragic cases, much good lost. I made it worse than it had to be but there are many reasons and forces beyond my control dictated my fate decided long long ago. I was lead to the answers. I just had to endure and restrain my impulses to do wrong. Now hate seems so unfounded. They let me suffer my ignorance, but why? Is there love after death?


You poor guy. I had big dreams too. Nothing in my life seems to have worked out. So I understand

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Lol I got caught too but she ignored it. There is priorities in life and romance is not #1, health is #1.

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