But what is it about?

I sit in a chair in my one room apartment and mentally abuse myself, and have every day for 30 years. I have divided myself in two and the argument we have with one another is whether or not to have sex. I don’t want to and he does. I have not had a healthy sex life since I was 19. I’m a 51 year old man. It’s sad and it’s ridiculous. My emotional needs are not met. I have no friends and no relatives anywhere nearby. I say I don’t need to find my worth in another. And I acknowledge that there’s nothing I can do about it right now.


Pay a hooker lol jk
I tried it and its not as satisfying as a real gf and real love. I only had 1 gf in my life but sz took her from me. I met her before sz.

read it.

I always say, No. right away to a romp. But then I always give in, cuz I like skin on skin.

People talk about “needs” all the time, but I’ve never had any needs. I mean if I did then I should be dead by now because none of them get met, but I’m still standing.

I am not sure what is emphasized, either the want for sex or the internal debate over an idea. I can relate to the former for sure. For some reason during and after psychosis all I could think about is vulgar sex, gender relations, feminine purity and transcendental meaning of it all on both cosmic and personal scale.

It annoys me greatly that instead of working on serious issues, like hygene and finances, I am stuck debating and fantasizing about sex, as if against my own will. I hope that it goes away with age, but your message leaves me worried.

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