My past is haunting me. I had a dream about my schoolfriend and that I googled her to see where she was. when I woke up I did and I saw her picture online and that she was a manager at a fuel station in the same suburb we grew up in. I’m wondering if I should contact her…
Then I googled my old boyfriend I had in 2004 - and found out on a Youtube video he died six years ago! He was a real hippie with long hair and a guitar. After seeing the video I regretted breaking up with him and cried over his death a little. I could have been a hippie with him… but it was not to be… Then only I found out it was in 2010 he died. He would have been 30 when he died. Before I even became Muslim and married. It was strange seeing his pics on Youtube. Someone he knew posted it after he died. Such memories…
I hope to get over this soon. Its been on my mind all day, I will never know how he died, and its a real mystery to me. And just yesterday it was my 32nd birthday. What a way to start my new year!
Happy Birthday to U @Saadiqah…
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My deepest sympathies…my ex died in 2012 but he lived in Las Vegas and we would periodically lose contact, so I didn’t think it was too weird that he stopped calling me. In 2013 I tried contacting him and I got scared when I couldn’t reach him. It turned out he was hit by a car and died a year ago in 2012.
I cried. It was painful seeing his life on youtube and knowing that I’d been oblivious to it for a year. I know what it’s like to find out about someone’s death through the internet. Still, I am grateful I finally found out. I had thought he got angry at me, but no, he had died. I’ll always miss him, but at least we had those good times together. 
Try to remember the good things!
Happy birthday, though!!!
A few years ago or so I was at a friend’s place and decided to look up an ex girlfriend and what I found was her obituary. I can relate to the shock, it had been about 6 years since we’d broken up. We lived together for a while and I was being pressured into mairrage with someone I’d known a month and was 20 years older than me. She took me house shopping and had a nervous breakdown in front of the realtors eventually. I had completely withdrawn inward and I now respect and can’t imagine what she was going through at the time.
I actually think she was trying to save me before all the ■■■■ in the world seemed to hit the fan. All I know is that she died unexpectedly at home. I assumed suicide but I really don’t know. I don’t even know where her memorial is and if I did I feel like I could at least go there and I don’t know say my peace and get closure.
The memory I choose to remember of us was missing the train after going clubbing and having to walk nearly the length of a major city back home in the middle of the night. Her shoes began to hurt her feet so I carried her on my back until I was too tired to do that so I said look “here’s my shoes give me you’res” So here I am walking the rest of the way in womens shoes, which admittedly were very uncomfortable. That’s how we got home. I remember her building coming into view and I’m like look we’re almost there and she’s like “no…we’re not”
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I was looking around on the Internet for the name of someone I knew in college who had harmed me major only to find that he was dead. This set my mind at ease. I could stop worrying about him harming me again, if only in my thoughts. He was one of those guys who worked as an agent for movie stars in Hollywood. He was gay. He took advantage of me when I was 18. I left this country and went to France out of fear of him. He visited me during my first hospitalization but I was mute and, luckily for me, I could not talk with him. That was the last time I saw him.
Your deceased boyfriend passed for his higher good. As with every passing, the physical body dies off but not the soul. Living on, the soul lives in an energetic state of manifestation.
