On Thursday, one of my old coworkers died. I worked with her on a haunted hayride every October for the past 4 years. I didn’t know her really well, but I knew her well enough that this has made me feel feelings. I just don’t know what those feelings are. She used to do my makeup for the haunted hayride, and I used to play with her sister when I was little. I talked to her parents frequently at work, and her brother and his girlfriend were friends of mine and regulars at my job at the pet store. In a way, it doesn’t feel like she’s dead. I mean, she was only 18 and she was glowing with health and energy all the time. I saw her in the bowling alley just days before she died. She was waiting for me and my friend to finish bowling so she and a friend could use our lane. I’m going to the viewing on Tuesday, and possibly the funeral on Wednesday. This is the closest person to me who has died, and it’s weird. People our age aren’t supposed to die. But she had an asthma attack and they couldn’t stabilize her. And I don’t even know if I’m sad. I haven’t cried. But I feel…feelings that aren’t good. Is this what happens to people like us? Our emotions flatten until we can’t even mourn the loss of someone we worked with and laughed with? But that’s not why I’m posting this. I’m not here to talk about what my SZ has to do with the way I feel. I just wanted to share with someone that, for the first time since I came to understand the meaning of death, someone I knew personally has died. I just don’t know why it had to be her. She was the sweetest damn girl you’d ever meet. Rest in peace, K…
That’s too bad that she died, right in the prime of life. I knew people who died before but no ones death affected me until I was 40 years old and someone told me an ex-friend/enemy had committed suicide by swallowing airplane glue. We were both in the mental health system and we had our little adventures together.
Sometimes they were positive: he lent me his car a couple of times on the spur of the moment when I needed it. Sometimes negative: When I was broke, he lent me his debit card to withdraw money from his checking account from an ATM for food and I withdrew 3 times as much as he said to and I didn’t come back for three days. He waited in the dark in the living room with his gun to shoot me when I walked in the door but I came home with an ex-con and his girlfriend and he couldn’t shoot all three of us.
It’s a long story but my excuse was that I was on drugs. Anyway, the only three people I have honestly mourned for was this guy and my dad and mom. Yeah, you’re right, death is a weird thing, I sometimes have a hard time believing my parents have both passed. Take your time and mourn in your own way. Death will happen again over the course of your lifetime. It’s hard and depressing and unfair but it happens to everyone.
How did you cope when the people close to you died? I don’t know how to cope. Part of it is I don’t know how to deal with the grief I feel for her family, and how I can best offer my support to them. I also don’t know how to deal with the way this makes me realize we could all die any time. She was 18 and died of a ■■■■■■■ asthma attack. I’m 20, I’m already older than her. This has made me scared of my own morality. As much as I want to confidently say I have my whole life ahead of me, I may not. I could get killed in a car accident tomorrow or I could die in my sleep 70 years from now. I don’t like it that I’m not guaranteed a full life. I don’t even know what I would watch out for to avoid dying in some stupid way, I just know obvious things like don’t walk down the streets of Harlem at night. I don’t wanna sound like I only care about her death because it makes me worry about my own safety, trust me I care very much about her and her family. But that’s inevitable that when someone as young as myself dies close to me, it’s gonna make me realize it could happen to me. That scares me
Hey, you’re right we all could die tomorrow or next week. Yes, you can lessen the chances by not doing anything stupid. (I’m not insinuating you’re stupid, I mean don’t do drugs or mess with the wrong people or take unnecessary chances). As to her family, you can get in touch with them by phone or in person and offer your condolences and tell them how much you liked their daughter and what a great person she was and ask if there’s anything you can do to help them at this difficult time. That would be nice and appropriate.
Thank you, I will do that. I’ll be sure to tell them I’m here for support if they need me. It just doesn’t even feel like she’s dead
sorry about your friend princess, no-one should die that young
Thank you, daydreamer
our expiry date is an unknown…for the good, the bad, and the ugly in nature…she is at peace.
sorry for you 
take care 
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